#also since i'm in a first year there's lots of 18 yo like no what the fuck are you doing you child

[t4tadrienette]

No fucking way I saw someone in the uni groupchat say that in case there's always chatgpt where they can learn more stuff

[dilf-docs]

Le Pedí Al Mar Y Al Sol Que Te Trajera

pedro pascal x younger fem!reader

summary: vacations are supposed to be fun! and with a hot older famous boyfriend? now we're really talking.

warnings: 18+ (minors dni), age gap (yum), pwp, p. in v., fingering, pussy spanking (ooc i'm sorry i just want a man to do this to me), creampie, virgin!reader (sorry if this is kinda unrealistic for a first as i too i'm a virgin; in the curb we all fam), aftercare, spanglish ofc!!!

word count: 2,865 words

side note: so, i modified the request a bit bc idk pedro's friends like that (i just know omar apollo can tower over me wait what). check the og request here. reqs still open as we enter 2025! happy new year, dilf town citizens: pushed this drabble last minute as a lil' gift for you before the year ends! :) thank u sm for being part of it, my journey on tumblr is just getting started!!!!!!!!!!

Hace tiempo que quería yo sentir esto que siento.

They say dating a star and having to share him with everybody else is the hardest part, but to you, it's having both of your vacations occur simultaneously.

Finally, after months of shooting so many projects for the next year, your boyfriend is free.

Vacations are fun! They're supposed to be relaxing, especially after leading such a busy life as yours: juggling between work, studies and a relationship with world-renowned actor, Pedro Pascal. Yet, you can't help but feel nervous, fiddling with the loose strands of your skirt.

Pedro wants you to go alone, which means just the both of you: a little escape before Christmas Eve, as he and his friends have already planned their holiday together.

Doesn't matter how many times you tried to excuse yourself, he was determined to make you go with him. Besides, let's get real: it's not like you can say no to him. So now here he is, both of your passports in hand as you both are ready to board your plane to Mexico, where the rest of his friends will meet you a week later. Yes, more nerves to add on the schedule.

"If you don't quit that shaking of yours, I'll extend our vacation two more weeks" Pedro threatens once you're seated, but it's devoid of any malice. He's a bit far from you (he also insisted on the VIP flying part; you're just fine flying tourist, but can understand why he isn't), so you can't count on his touch to comfort you. "Didn't know you were afraid of planes"

You sigh, "I'm not"

"Ay, cariño. Are you afraid of me then?"

"No" you laugh nervously. You are, but not for the reasons he thinks.

It's the very first time the two of you will be fully alone. For obvious reasons, a whole week at the beach is much more intimate than just the dates you've been in. But here you are, already seeing the sand and water beneath you.

"Like what you see?" he jokes.

"Yeah" you look back at him, sincerity washing over the expression on your face. "I do"

If there is one thing you're sure of, is your love for Pedro. You'll just have to wait and see how this goes.

As of now, everything has gone well: sun, water, diving and lots of new photos and videos on your camera roll. You've gone swimming and danced on the bar of the hotel you're staying, some extra drinks on your system. You've also sunbathed under the same sun you've watched go down, in the most beautiful sunsets you've ever seen in your life.

But here comes the hardest part: the night. Sharing a bed isn't hard: it's something that's happened before, one time even staying in his house for two days, all because he insisted.

This time is different: the way his gaze lingers over your bare legs, the same way he's looked at them when the droplets of water slide down them. The way he licks his lips, like he's starving and the most deliciously tempting meal stands before him. Mantaining eye contact like it's some kind of dare, just as he's done since you've landed, using it to disarm you little by little.

You don't think you can't take it anymore.

You lay down on the bed, and he leaves the book he's reading on the night table next to him, all his attention directed towards you. Yeah, you're afraid, he can sense, but apparently not that afraid to wear a dainty nightwear that gives a delicious peek of your breasts.

"Something you want to say?" you ask, almost daringly so.

"Say no" voice low, barely a whisper that could come across a breeze of wind entering through the open window as it stirs the courtains. "Want, yes"

You gulp. "What do you want, then?"

Shouldn't taken the bait.

"You" comes quick, like it's the easiest answer there ever is.

The rest of his answer comes in the form of hungry lips capturing yours, devouring them in a clash of desire against your own, even struggling to breath due to the animalistic borderline savage way Pedro's eating you out, his tongue battling inside your mouth while trying to explore every corner just to taste all of you on his palate.

"Pedro" you moan his name out when he bites your lip with a bit too much force, metallic filling your taste buds. It's all so hot, and you're too turned on to think.

His roaming hands itch to touch every available spot of soft skin your body offers, tracing first through your collarbones, and then leaving the task for his lips to complete. There goes a trail of kisses that go down your neck, teeth nibbling the sensitive skin until it turns red. You whine against his hold, big hands keeping you under him, back pushed against the soft mattress and silk sheets.

You gasp for air, lost in the fire, when suddenly his forgotten hands touch you down there.

"Wait!" you shout, mentally slapping yourself.

"¿Qué pasó?" he exclaims, scared. "Did I hurt you?"

"N-no" you're quick to deny, voice wavering as you seat up on the bed. Your cheeks soon flush, as there's regret when you say. "I'm sorry"

"Sorry for what?" he tenderly cups your cheek. "Just tell me what happened"

"What happened is, I fucked up the vibe. I'm sorry, P. Didn't mean to stop you like that"

"¿No te estaba gustando, cariño?" he's questioning again.

"No" your answer is more firmly this time. His face morphs into a bit of hurt, and then you think your answer a bit more. "Ah, no. I mean, yes! I was liking it. I meant no as in no, it's not that why I stopped you"

"Then, why is it?" he grows a little impatient, but shows no such thing, rather focused on helping you out. "You know you can trust me, right?"

"I know" you smile sadly, insecurities washing over you like cold water.

"Then, tell me" he scoots closer, his perfume getting in your nostrils. Had he wore it again for this? God, what an evil little horny creature.

"I'm scared" you confess finally, the warmth of his receptiveness giving you a sense of security. His brown eyes soften, and you feel tears brim in the corner of your eyes.

"I know" he repeats your words, kissing you softheartedly, nothing compared to as before.

"No" you look directly at him, ready to take in every reaction his face will have. "I don't think you do"

"Amor, por favor-"

"I'm a virgin" you cut him off, panic rushing your answer.

"You are?" almost immediatly, giving no opportunity for silence to settle in.

You nod, slowly.

He sighs, sounding relieved. "And here I thought you didn't love me. Que te daba asco acostarte con un viejo como yo"

"No!" you deny hastily, then laugh. "Of course I love you, P. On the contrary, I was the one scared. Don't want to fuck it up on my first"

The energy changes again, as a flame sparks within your orbs. He looks surprised.

"Just because I said-" he cuts himself off. "Look, y/n, mi vida. I don't want to force you, yeah? I didn't know you hadn't- Listen, if you aren't ready, I'll understand"

"I am ready" clear and convinced, without a doubt.

His eyes circle between lust and love, "You want me to be your first, mmh baby?"

You nod, and he's back at the kissing and nibbling on your neck and collarbones.

"Please say it"

"I want you, Pedro. Quiero que seas mi primera vez"

Those sweet words of yours, an invitation not even the strongest man could deny.

"Let's start slow, yeah?" his fingers travel down to your panties under the nightwear, removing them and tossing them out of the bed, even with your pout. He kisses it off, wasting no time after to see your clit exposed. "Looking so sweet, angel. And needy" he gets closer, taking a better look at the wet mess that coats in between your thighs. He takes a whiff, intoxicated with the smell of your arousal dripping in waiting need. "Tell me if this is okay, yeah? I'll stop if it hurts"

Your breath hitches the moment his middle finger touches your puffy clit. Pedro runs his finger up and down, not adding much pressure to let you get used to it (kissing and eating each other out was all you had ever done). You whimper at the feeling as he repeats his action a few more times.

"Please, keep going" you plead, barely managing to not squirm at the overwhelming new sensations that shoot right through your cunt.

He begins to rub slow circles, making sure to add the right pressure onto your clit, then circling it, all while keeping eye contact, adoring the new expressions and sounds he's getting from you. You realize and shy away, embarrassed all of the sudden at the way he looks at you.

"Don't" he holds you by your chin with his free hand, "I want to know how you look when I please you"

You whimper, letting him do his own thing. He starts leaving sweet little kisses around your quivering pussy, enjoying the sight of your hole clenching at nothing.

"Think you can take more?" he asks, "want more?"

Two of his fingers dive straight in between your folds, coating them with your juices.

"Good girl" he praises when you only yelp, savouring the new feel of his digits inside of you. Then, he drags his fingers back to his mouth, tongue licking them clean. "Taste so sweet too"

"N-need more" you whine, desperate beneath him.

"Yeah?" This your first and you're already this greedy? I think I can get used to it" he laughs in adoration. "Let's try something better, yeah?"

Your body suddenly jolts, his big palm flat against your pussy. Pedro circles his whole palm across your cunt, middle finger pressing tightly onto it. You moan, back arching at the overstimulation.

He feels a little pervy, enjoying the way your tiny young body squirms beneath his caging body for of him. Nonetheless, he continues to rub you while you release more dirty sounds cascading out fo your filthy greedy lips. Your arousal keeps dripping like a broken pipeline, now smeared all over Pedro's palm, filling the room with slippery sounds.

"Mhm" you can't even speak, the exquisite combination of pain and pleasure reducing you to a moaning mess.

Pedro slaps your pussy twice, wet smacks bouncing off the walls.

"That's my girl" he then gently blows on your swollen bud, pressing a light kiss on it after. "Ready for it?"

It meaning his hard tent hidden under his underwear. You gulp, afraid you might not take it. He sees the hesitation in your eyes, but you're quick to dissmiss it.

"Are you sure you are ready?"

"Just do it" you demand, without knowing the consequences of your words, or the effect you have on him. Overall.

With needy fingers, you're fast to strip him out of it, admiring the size as much as you admire his now sculpted body. Jesus, you could build a cult out of it.

"Now" he cups your cheeks, fingers digging onto the skin, "I want you to look at me when I fuck you, yes? Don't dare to look away"

Pedro positions himself between your legs, aligning himself with your entrance. Then, he thrust inside you, filling you completely. You cry, trying to adjust to his size while your nails dig on his broad back, as he claims you, makes you his. Only his. Pedro'hi's hips snap forward with precision: every thrust is deliberate, each movement calculated to make your first as pleasurable as he can, despite the pain that's shown in your tears or the little drops of blood that fall onto the sheets.

"Shit" he pants, "tendremos que pagar por eso"

He grips your thighs, holding you steady as he pounds into you.

"Fuck, you feel so good" he moans, your tight untouched walls now stretching to adapt to his girth, "like you were made for me"

You cling to him, legs wrapping around his waist as he firmly holds you. Your vision goes foggy, mind numb at the burning and pleasing sensations. Despite that and lack of experience, you meet his every thrust, your bodies moving as one.

Your core contracts around him with every motion. "You fuck me so good" you mewl, music to his ears.

"I know, baby" he chuckles, "sólo lo mejor para mi princesa"

Fingers dig into your skin as he guides you with precision, right as he wants you to be. You feel the intensity of his deep inside of you with every movement, his hot laboured breath against your ear.

"Doing it so good" his voice is low, almost a growl, sending shivers down your spine. "Just for me"

"Just for you" you mindlessly pant out, the sensation of having all of him inside you, nothing separating the skin from skin, igniting a fire that spreads through your core. Your breasts bounce with each motion, Pedro's eyes never leaving yours, dark orbs locked onto your gaze as you urge him to go faster, drawing in a sharp breath as your body adjusts to the new rhythm he's providing, rapidly obeying.

The room is quiet except for the sound of your bodies clashing onto one another, flesh against flesh echoing softly.

"Your body is perfect, so wet, so tight for me" His words send a wave of pleasure crashing over you, making you moan loudly, your head falling back, "me tienes loco"

Pedro's weight grounds you as he begins to thrust deeply, each movement deliberate and unrelenting.

"Tell me you want this, us" the words catch you off guard. "Will you take all of me?"

"Yes" without a thought or doubt, answering as you whine and clutch at his shoulders with his more urgent thrusts. "All of you, always"

You notice his hips snapping forward, more energy as he pounts into you. "Good girl" praising you again, voice thick in arousal and rough, "so good for me"

Despite being your first, you can feel what would be your orgasm building, closer and closer until there is no holding it back.

"Pedro!" you scream his name, body collapsing around him as you come, stars reaching your closed eyelids.

His movements become more intense and sloppier, breathing ragged as he chases his own release.

"Espérame. Stay there for me"

You cling to him, legs wrapping tighter as he continues to pound into you. "Ya casi" his thrusts become erratic as he nears his climax, "almost there, baby"

You feel his body tensing as he comes inside you with a deep groan, seed spilling into you without wasting a drop.

"That's right" whispers against your sweet neck roughly, voice breaking as he collapses over you, trying to level his breathing. "Eres mía, only mine"

You're whimpering, body exhausted from the whole session you had.

"You okay?"

"Yeah. Just tired" you sigh, "but I don't think I can walk"

"We'll get you a wheelchair someway" he jokes.

"You think is funny? Ruining my holidays?"

He leans down to press a sweet kiss on your forehead. "Come on, we'll get you cleaned up" you mumble out a tired no, but Pedro's picking you up with his strong arms, taking your body to the bathroom. You wrap your legs instinctively around his waist, face hidden in the crook of his neck.

"You know what? Your fans were right: you do have a slutty little waist" you mock.

"Right" he blushes, embarrased as he takes you inside the bathroom, then placing you on top of the toilet. "Open up, baby" he grabs some tissues, trying to clean up the mess you've made between your legs. "Así, justo así, bebé" he parts your hair to the side lovingly, fixing it for you before pressing a kiss on the crown of your head. "Done, my pretty baby, look at you"

You hum, eyes threatening to close.

"I see you're not an after-sex talker. Come on, I'll take you back to bed" he picks you up again, your head leaning against Pedro's V line as he caresses your head. "Hope you don't mind the smell"

"I love how you smell" you mumble out in a drunk like state.

"Okay then" he chuckles, "let's go back to bed" taking you out of the room, gently placing you the mattress. He then pulls a pair of fresh panties from your suitcase, dressing you in them. He coos at the sight of you, sleeping peacefully despite what you did before.

He finally lays next to you, lovingly lifting up your arm to put it around his waist. He pulls the sheets over your bodies to keep you both warm, in the chilly room thanks to the beach's air.

He feels you move, snuggling closer to his chest to seek warmth.

"I love you" whispered, not expecting you to answer or hear it.

When you snuggle closer, he's sure you do.

cr: divider @kodaswrld / gif @a7estrellas

[joelmillers-wife]

take my hand (joel miller x f!reader) chapter five

18+, MDNI series masterlist: here | please check this for complete series warnings and tags | 🎵series playlist pairing: joel miller x f!reader chapter summary: your new friendship with joel gives you conflicting feelings as you attend the jackson annual winter party wc: 4.8k rating: this story is 18+ (minors, do not interact), there will be eventual smut in later chapters  chapter warnings and tags: cursing and tlou lore accurate outbreak content below, fluff, ellie bonding time, brief mention of reader’s family before the outbreak (no real major details), reader has no description besides she has hair, jackson!joel, age difference: reader is in her 30s and joel is in his 50s, sloooow burn, enemies to friends to lovers type-beat but we’re in the friends stage now :), (tattoo moment was inspired by a tiktok i saw but can't find anymore :/) ao3 | follow @writtenbynic and turn on notifications for chapters! dividers made by: @saradika-graphics , check them out!

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V. NORTHERN ATTITUDE

If I get too close And I'm not how you hoped Forgive my northern attitude Oh, I was raised out in the cold If the sun don't rise 'Til the summertime Forgive my northern attitude Oh, I was raised on little light

You always wondered what it would be like to be someone Joel considered a friend—someone he trusted. 

Seeing how stoic and quiet he always was had you wondering at times what he was like with his loved ones. What was he like with Tommy growing up, and how was it different now? What was he like with Ellie? 

The way he guarded himself for the year you’ve known him had you unable to imagine how it would feel to be in his life.

You never thought it’d be so... annoying.

Not that you were complaining, really—just that he was always… there? For the past couple weeks since your conversation with him at the cabin, it’s as if you can’t escape him. Besides your regular patrol shifts continuing as they had before, you found him around town more often. The mess hall for dinner, on his porch every morning and evening where he’d catch you and say hello, or just in random areas around town. Had he always been like this and you didn’t know it? Always having an eye on you, and you were just now catching it?

You first noticed it a few days ago when you had gone to the bar for a late night drink, needing the liquor to warm your body and calm your anxieties. While there, you made polite small talk with a few people who sat at the bar with you. They were people you occasionally would see around town and offer small bits of greeting, but none that you felt you knew that well—none you thought had paid any mind to you. Because of that, you were surprised when one of them spoke up about something they noticed about you.

“So, where’s your usual shadow?”

You looked up from your drink, confused as the group began to chuckle. “Joel,” another one chimed in to clarify. 

“I don’t… I don’t know what you mean,” you responded. 

“Oh, come on, sweetheart. There’s only three people I’ve seen Joel speak to for more than a sentence and that’s Tommy, Ellie, and you. Even before the two of you started being chatty recently, he’s just always around wherever you are—always pays close attention to you.”

You had sat there confused, and with nothing to your defense, you just looked back to your drink before downing it. You grew uncomfortable as you felt the warmth in your stomach grow—not only warm from drinking, but also because of a feeling you could not quite place.

Since that night, you started watching Joel more and found that he was around a lot. But it wasn’t weird, right? You just had settled things between each other, so of course he would be more public with his friendship with you. Plus, Ellie was with you a lot, which would mean he was around a lot. You know… for Ellie.

Ellie, who apparently blabbed about your lack of maintenance on your home considering that for the past week, Joel has been to your house every single day.

You were walking home from the stables last Sunday when you found him standing on your front porch staring at your swing bench. 

He didn’t greet you when you walked up to him—simply turned to look at the bench and said, “Your swing is loose,” with no further explanation.

You looked at the creaky thing before shrugging. “Uh, yeah, I guess it is. I don’t mind though.”

He looked at you with a frown and a dissatisfied hum. “Hm. I can fix it. Ellie told me you and her sit out here a lot together and she noticed it was loose. Might as well get it straightened out if you’re usin’ it so often.”

You couldn’t recall being out here that much with Ellie, but maybe she had sat here waiting for you to come home a lot and noticed it. You hadn’t argued with him about it and instead let him get it done that same day.

Then the next day, you saw a bunch of planks of wood in your front yard. Coming out of your backyard was Joel, who was carrying the wooden planks to the back.

“Ellie said you were lookin’ to build an area to start a garden when spring comes, but were strugglin’ with findin’ the time.”

You tried to assure him you could get it done yourself one day, but he had just waved you off. “I can handle it. Just… next time ask for help, okay?”

Then, your mailbox was crooked. Your porch light flickered a bit too often at night. Your walkway was unevenly shoveled—whatever the fuck that means. It felt like something new every time. Things you didn’t even pick up on yourself, let alone think Ellie had noticed enough to let him know, because it was always, “Ellie told me.”

Other than that, the three of you had gotten closer as a result of Ellie inviting you with them to meals at the mess hall, or different town events such as movie nights. The next one being the Jackson annual winter party that was happening tonight, which had Ellie bouncing up and down for days beforehand. Her excitement was shared with a friend of hers you’d started hearing more about—Cat, the one she had made lemon cakes for. The one who apparently had a special, secret talent that Ellie was nervous to tell Joel about.

“Can you just like, be there when I tell him?”

“Ellie, is that thing even safe?” You ask incredulously. 

How the fuck does someone get a tattoo here?

“It is! I swear! It’s totally safe and fine and it’s all healed up,” she says.

“Healed? What—How long have you had this?”

She looks at the ink on her arm, twisting her skin to show you the whole design. “Uhhh like… about three months now?”

Your eyes widen. “Three?! How the hell did you hide this from him for so long?”

“Well, the weather was already getting cold and stuff, and I don’t like showing my chemical burn that much anyways so… not that hard honestly.”

You sigh and pinch the bridge of your nose. “I mean yeah it’s… cool. Done well, honestly—I mean damn, I’m surprised she was able to be that clean with it.” You shake your head, remembering her question. “Wait, what do you need me for?”

That’s where she starts looking more nervous. “Well, the party’s tonight right? So, Joel’s in a good-ish mood, and then he’s also drinking a glass of whiskey beforehand to make the night more bearable, and he is nicer around you so… I was hoping you could just kinda be there when I show him this? And then we can all go straight to the party together and I’ll go off with Cat and you two can…I don’t know, sit and sulk or something.”

You give her a deadpan look while she gives you a smile showing she knows what your answer is. “Okay, and what makes you so confident he won’t be mad just because I’m there?”

“I don’t know dude he just… is that way with you, I guess,” she says with a shrug before grabbing both of your wrists to lightly shake you. “Please, please, please, please, please, ple—”

“Yeah, yeah. Okay, I get it. I’ll do it,” you say, waving her off. “Just let me finish baking the stuff for tonight and then I’ll come by, okay?”

Jumping on you in a sudden hug, she says, “Thank you a million times, oh my god,” before pulling away and running off to her house. Already halfway across the street, she shouts over her shoulder, “I’ll see you later! Wear something revealing to really get him in a good mood.”

“Ellie!” You screech, but she was already too far for you to scold her.

Having gotten ready for the evening a few hours later, you were putting the finishing touches on the cake you had made for the winter party. Maria said it wasn’t required, but that all the people in town were welcome to bring any sort of drinks, food, or games they had and wanted to share. Miraculously finding the ingredients for your favorite cake the previous day, you were hard at work all day getting it done when there was a knock at your door. Checking the time and realizing that the party started in five minutes, you walk over to open the door to find Joel and Ellie. 

You watch as Ellie instantly walks in as if this was her house, throwing a half-hearted hello over her shoulder as she heads straight into the kitchen where you heard your fridge opening up. “You just have the best orange juice in town,” she had said to you a million times before. 

You look back to the man who is standing outside your door in an almost shy manner. You take a second to look over him, admiring his attire for the night—his usual brown combat boots, dark wash jeans, a green plaid flannel buttoned up, with his brown winter coat on. His hair seems slightly damp as if he had just showered and brushed his soft curls back.

He looks… good.

You see Joel look you up and down, just like you did to him. “Hi,” he softly says. “You look nice.”

“Thanks… So do you,” you quietly reply, suddenly feeling awkward and warm. 

At this moment, you realize that despite all the time you had spent together recently, and even though he’s done all this work on your outside property, he’s never actually been inside your house before. You speak up, feeling bad. “Oh, I’m so sorry! Please, come in.”

He gives you a small smile before crossing the doorway and waiting in your front entryway. Closing the door, you turn and look at him to say, “I just need to box up the cake I made for tonight in the kitchen real quick before we head out.”

He nods and you see him take a look around your living room for a moment as you walk into the kitchen where you find Ellie at her usual seat on your kitchen island drinking juice. “What are you bringing for tonight?” She asks as you go to box your cake.

“I made carrot cake, it’s my favorite,” you reply. Her eyes widen for a moment, opening her mouth to respond before you hear Joel walk in. He leans against the kitchen doorway, watching the two of you with a soft look on his face. “You ladies ready to head out?”

You nod before Ellie slips off the counter to stand next to you. She looks you up and down before whispering, “Not revealing enough.” Still facing Joel, you not so subtly nudge her arm in a teasing manner, hearing her soft reply of ouch.

Clearing her throat before speaking in a dramatic manner, she says, “First I, uh, wanted to show you something Joel. We wanted to show you something.”

You snap your head to look at her, mouthing, “We?!” But she just brushes you off.

You see Joel look humorously confused between the pair of you. “Um, alright? What’s up?”

You see Ellie roll up the sleeve of her right arm, revealing the skin that is currently covered in ink–an outline of a moth and some leaves that go from her wrist to her elbow. Holding out her arm silently, you watch as Joel frowns before stepping forward and gently taking her arm to look over the tattoo.

“What is that?” He asks with an eerily calm tone.

“It’s a moth,” Ellie says immediately.

“Yeah, but, what is it?”

“I told you… a moth.”

“I know. But it’s like, what? Pen?”

“No, it’s a moth.”

Oh my god.

“... But it’s with a pen?”

“No, it’s a tattoo.”

“Like with a marker?”

“Oh my god,” you say out loud this time. “It’s a tattoo, Joel,” you tell him with an overdramatic smile. “Ellie got her burn covered with a really pretty design her friend did. A permanent pretty design—isn’t it nice?”

You and Ellie both hold your breath as Joel still holds her arm, looking over her tattoo. He finally pulls away with the same frown. “It’s permanent?” He asks.

Ellie nods nervously. He looks down at her arm, then back up at her with some shared knowing glance between the two. “It’s pretty.”

She releases the air she was holding in with a show of relief. You and Ellie both notice his frown deepen a bit, mouth opening as if he’s getting ready to add something else about the tattoo. Not giving him the chance, Ellie perks up and grabs the plate with your large cake on it. “Look, Joel! She made your favorite—carrot cake!”

Carrot cake is his favorite, too?

Seeming to have fallen for the distraction, Joel surprisingly looks at the cake and then to you. “You made carrot cake?”

Suddenly shy, you respond, “Yeah… it’s actually my favorite, too. I found the ingredients yesterday and wanted to make it. I didn’t know you liked it actually, but I'm glad someone else will appreciate it tonight.”

He keeps his eyes on you for what feels like a long while—long enough for you to feel slightly intimidated by the indistinguishable look in them.

Ellie breaks the silence at that moment. “Well, we better start heading over. I don’t wanna miss out on all the fun.” At that, she places the cake back onto the counter before making her way to the door. You break eye contact with Joel to grab the cake and start heading over to the door with him following close behind. 

Before leaving, you take a moment to blow out the candles you have on your coffee table to light your living room. You briefly notice Joel watch you as you do so, before frowning and looking up at the living area lights that are off. Not thinking much of it, you follow Ellie outside as Joel gestures for the two of you to walk ahead of him. 

Reaching Ellie’s side, she dips her head close to yours to whisper, “At least you had the carrot cake to make up for the lack of revealing clothing.”

“Shut. Up.”

The bright lights and loud noise made your anxiety flare up a bit, but the whiskey you had been sipping on throughout the night made it tad more bearable. Maria and Tommy had planned the evening beautifully—twinkling Christmas lights adorned the ceiling in meticulously placed lines around the room. 

The large mess hall was sectioned off with tables that were decorated with different board games, groups of people sitting around them while laughing and enjoying drinks and food. An open space in the front of the building welcomed people to dance together to the music that was playing from the vinyls and speakers Tommy’s men had set up towards the bar—the bar where you had spent hovering near through the latter part of the night as things became more and more chaotic. You recognize it was a nice chaos, but your sociability was dwindling. Having spent the first hour and a half speaking with different people and mingling, the volume of both people and their voices were becoming too much.

Leaning your back against the bar counter, you hold your glass and trace the rim of it with your finger absentmindedly. You watch as the people in town enjoy themselves in a freeing way that years ago you wouldn’t think was ever possible again. Watching Ellie running around with Cat and some other friends, your eyes fall on Maria and Tommy sitting at one table with their friends—Tommy bouncing Benjamin on his knee with a big smile while looking lovingly at Maria. It was the parental and warm side of them you didn’t get to see often due to having seen them both in serious situations more often than not.

You hear footsteps nearing closer to you before settling at your side. Looking to your right, you see Joel has stationed himself beside you and is mimicking your stance as you both hold your drinks and face the crowd.

“Thought I’d find ya hangin’ out with the others.”

You snort. “I did that for enough time already. Now I’m just figuring out when the best time to leave without seeming disrespectful is.”

At that, Joel smiles. “Been thinkin’ that myself. Usually I use Ellie as my escape out of these things, but tonight she seems to be havin’ too much fun with Cat to wanna ditch this and head home to watch a movie.”

Scanning the crowd for where you remember Ellie being, you see her laughing with Cat and others while they play with the dart board on one of the walls. “It definitely seems like she found a group that makes her happy. Kinda sucks I’m not considered her best friend anymore though,” you joke.

You look back to Joel to notice his face has settled into a look that feels more serious. “You don’t think that… You don’t think she’s afraid to tell me stuff, is she?”

Taken aback, you have no response besides the obvious confusion on your face. Looking at you, he says, “I just mean, I know she told ya about the tattoo before she told me. I get she trusts you, and don’t get me wrong I’m more than happy ‘bout that… I just, I don’t know. Guess I’m worried she wouldn’t feel comfortable talkin’ to me about more… personal things.”

Your heart hurts hearing and seeing Joel doubt himself like this. “No… no, not at all. I don’t think she’s scared to talk to you about things. The tattoo was just something silly that she thought you may disapprove of–like how parents scold their kids for getting into trouble. But no, no part of me thinks she would be afraid to talk to you about something big.” Thinking for a moment, you add, “Why would you think that?”

You watch as he eyes Ellie and Cat for a moment before he shrugs. “Just a thought. No big deal.” Shaking his head, he says, “You wanna take a walk with me outside? Gets us both away from the crowd for a bit.”

You immediately nod, probably too enthusiastically to be casual, but he just laughs as if he knew you wanted to get out of there just as quickly as he did. Looking back to Ellie one more time, he seems satisfied that she is okay and decides he can step out for a moment.

Stepping outside into the cold winter night, you listen to the sound of your footsteps crunching in the show as the two of you walk around the square slowly. Both of you are silent as you admire the outside decorations that have been set up for the season. The small square holds an area in the center of the road that has been filled with a large Christmas tree—its colorful lights shining through the darkness of the night. You hear slight laughter and conversation from a few people that have taken the time to step outside the same as you two had. You walk up closer to the tree, taking a look at the random miscellaneous ornaments and other trinkets that line the branches. 

“They really outdid themselves this year with the decorations—it's beautiful,” you say, admiring the twinkling lights.

“Yeah… it really is,” Joel says, and when you look over to him, he’s already looking at you. The look in his eyes makes the air get sucked out of your lungs for a moment before he clears his throat, shaking his head before turning to face the tree again.

“You ever celebrated Christmas?” Joel asks.

You take a second before responding, “A long time ago, yeah. Back before the outbreak, I remember the bright colorful lights that would be on every block. My hometown always went all out with those giant blow up decorations in their front yard.” You laugh and hear Joel huff lightly beside you. “My family and I would always make it a tradition to set up the tree the day right after Thanksgiving.” The memory makes you feel bittersweet as you try to recall as much from that time as you can.

The two of you sit in comfortable silence for a moment as the both of you just look at the tree. 

“Christmas was always Sarah’s favorite holiday,” Joel says.

You take a second to look over at him standing beside you. He almost burns a hole into the tree with how intensely he looks forward, the look on his face filling you with pain.

“I’d have to wake up real early for work—Tommy and I would be at the contractin’ office by 6 a.m.. Sarah always hated it—said she can’t exist as a human before 10 a.m.,” he says with a sad laugh. “I’d tease her ‘bout it because she’d have to be at school earlier than that, so I suppose she was sleepwalkin’ for those first few hours.”

“Yet, every Christmas mornin’, right at 4 a.m., I’d feel her jump on me while nudgin’ her elbow into my side. I’d open my eyes to see her starin’ over me like a damn sleep paralysis demon—sayin’ in a real serious voice, ‘Get up, dad. Santa came.’” 

You giggle at that before you say, “Hey, I can’t blame her—time and sleep don’t exist on Christmas.”

Joel breaks into a laugh, looking to the ground before at you. “Yeah. Guess you’re right ‘bout that one.”

The two of you look at each other for a long moment before you hear a shriek. On instinct, you grab Joel’s arm with one hand and reach to your hip with the other—reaching for the gun that doesn’t sit there.

Because you’re in Jackson. Inside the fence. Where you’re safe.

Joel worriedly looks at you for a moment before up at the sight of the noise. You had spent the past few seconds frantically looking around, until you saw three teenagers off to the side throwing snowballs at each other.

Realizing the cause for your reaction, you feel Joel take your hand that grabbed his arm before squeezing it at your side. Turning your body to face him gently, he reassures you. “Hey, we’re alright. Just kids havin’ fun in the snow. You’re okay, darlin’. We’re okay.”

Darlin’.

You look over at him to see his cautious expression as if he’s dealing with a wounded animal. Suddenly feeling embarrassed, you try to look at the snowy ground. “I’m sorry… I feel stupid, I shouldn’t have—”

“Hey,” Joel cuts you off by gently grabbing your chin with his hand and turning you to look at him. “None of that. You don’t need to apologize to me for somethin’ like that, alright? Ever.”

You meet his eyes and let yourself focus on his breathing to calm you down. You hadn’t realized that with his other hand, he brought one of yours to his chest so you could feel and match your breathing with his.

Giving him a nod, he seems to assess your demeanor before he looks to the mess hall. “Hey, how ‘bout I walk ya home,” he suggests.

“But, I don’t want Ellie—”

He shakes his head. “Don’t worry about her. She’s havin’ fun with her friends. Do you want to leave?”

You shyly give a nod before Joel immediately says, “Then we’re leavin’. M’gonna go ask Tommy to keep an eye on her while I walk ya home, and then I’ll come back here to wait for her to be ready. You wanna go in and say goodbye to her real quick while I tell Tommy?”

Not leaving you any room to argue, you nod, still feeling guilty, but follow him back inside the building as he holds your hand that he held to his chest.

Stepping inside, he looks to you before he lets go of your hand to walk over to Tommy. You quickly find Ellie in the crowd, and go up to her to say goodbye and tell her what’s going on. Thankfully, she doesn’t question it, and in that moment you remember something you wanted to ask her earlier that day.

“By the way, I never said thanks for letting Joel know about all that stuff that was wrong.”

She scrunches her nose and looks at you confused. “What do you mean? What stuff?”

“I mean like, my porch swing being loose, or not having the tools to build my garden for the spring. Ya know, just the stuff he’s been helping me fix. He told me you let him know about them, and honestly I was surprised you pay that much attention,” you laugh.

But the same look of confusion stays planted on her face, even becoming more confused. “Uhhh, I didn’t tell him that stuff. He’d always just be watching your place whenever we walked by saying he noticed shit. He’d ask if I knew if you were getting things fixed but I didn’t think to ask you.”

You stand there for a moment as the words you heard people tell you in the bar the other day come back to you. 

“He’s just always around wherever you are—always pays close attention to you.”

You don’t get a chance to react or respond because Joel walks up beside you, placing a hand on your shoulder. “Okay kiddo, I’ll be back soon alright?”

Ellie rolls her eyes playfully. “Yeah, yeah—take your time old man, don’t worry.”

He grunts before turning your body towards the door as you take the queue to start heading out.

The walk to your house is silent besides a few remarks from Joel. The silence is mostly because you’re still trying to recover from your panic earlier, but it’s also because of what Ellie had told you.

Your thoughts are interrupted by Joel saying, “Oh, I never told ya, I tried your cake.”

The topic takes your mind off your thoughts for a moment, finally turning to look up at him. “Did you like it?”

“Loved,” he says with a big smile while looking over at you. “You’re gonna have to make it for me a lot more often—hope ya know that. Haven’t had anythin’ that good since a time in my life where I had no grey hairs.”

You blush at his compliment, feeling oddly giddy inside.

Before you realize it, the two of you have reached your house by now and you let him walk you up to your door. Going to open it, you’re stopped by him speaking up as he looks through your living room window with a frown, seeming to remember something.

“By the way, when I was in here earlier I noticed all your lights are workin’ in your place besides your livin’ room.”

You freeze for a moment, what Ellie said coming back to you—what the other people in town had said to you.

“What?”

He points to your front window. “You got candles lightin’ your livin’ room. I would see in the windows at night that all the lights in your house would be on and workin’, but that front window would have a duller light comin’ through. Then bein’ here earlier, I realized that you got candles lit in there to make up for the lights bein’ out.”

You don’t have a response for him as you stand there trying to process what he said. Not waiting for a reply from you, Joel says, “I’ll come by tomorrow after patrol to fix that light, alright?”

You stare at him, dumbfounded and probably gawking at him embarrassingly before you slowly nod. 

If he notices, he doesn’t make it known and just nods back in agreement. “Alright, I’ll let ya get in and get some rest. You sure you’re okay?” He checks.

Your throat feels so dry—your mind fuzzy. You push past the feeling and muster up the energy to mutter, “Yeah. Yeah, I’m okay… Thanks for walking me home, Joel.”

Taking a second to make sure you’re being honest, he seems pleased with your answer and gestures to you to go in. “You let me know if ya need anythin’, alright darlin’?”

Darlin’.

There’s that word again, with his stupid southern drawl.

You nod to him, quickly opening your door and going to close it until you see his head tilt. “Seriously,” he says. “Anythin’ at all. M’right here for ya.”

Nodding once more, you say your goodbyes to him and watch him walk down your walkway, turning to look at you a few times before you close your door. Shutting it, you turn and press your back to the door, leaning your head back against it.

They were right. He pays attention to you.

reblogs and comments are appreciated! i hope you all enjoy <3

a/n: hi guys! tysm for all the love recently, i'm really happy you guys like my story so much :') little reminder that i made an update blog, so follow @writtenbynic and turn on notifications for updates! I’m still doing my tag list for now, but they’ve been kinda wonky recently so I apologize if it doesn’t work! <3 edit: I’ve gotten some people saying it keeps glitching and tagging repeatedly and then going away so I am so sorry I do not know how to fix this :((

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[ilsanslut]

꒷♡꒷ TREAT YOU BETTER!

♰ featuring: sae itoshi + rin itoshi (mentioned) [blue lock]

♰ note: this one is a DOOSY and i'm not even kidding when i say it took me 9 hours and 45 minutes to complete this, over the course of two days of course. However, as my first time ever writing on tumblr, i decided to go all out! that being said, it would mean a lot to me if you would support this work by reading, liking, and reblogging!

sypnosis: why be with his lukewarm little brother when you could be with him instead? wc: 6.6k content/trigger warning(s): 18+. fem/fem-bodied reader. POST BLUE LOCK. sibling rivalry. implied thick/chubby!reader. sae is mean. jealous!sae. bully!sae. rin is 19. sae is 21. CHEATING. degradation. unprotected sex. fingering. squirting. rough sex. DUBIOUS CONTENT. spanking. dacryphilia. slut shaming. groping. implied size kink. minor angst. hair pulling. ONE face slap. pussy slapping.꒷꒦ view the second part here: part two.

Coming home for the holidays, birthdays, or other special occasions is somewhat of a family tradition that enables people to slow down and focus on spending quality time with loved ones. These kinds of celebrations give families that may otherwise be estranged from one another due to work or geography the chance to reunite and enjoy each other's company. And this reasoning was no different in the Itoshi household. What was the occasion for this month’s gathering? Well, it was Mama Itoshi’s birthday, of course!

You see, you have known Rin and Sae Itoshi since you were all very young. Your mothers were best friends, and by default, that meant that you three would become close as well.

Growing up with the Itoshi brothers, on the other hand, was . . . interesting, to say the least. Where Rin found your presence to be refreshing, Sae found you to be a nuisance. You didn’t care for football; you got in the way of his practice; and you were a girl. He always thought you were too weak to play with, and he didn’t hesitate to make his feelings known to you. Pulling your hair until you screamed, pushing you around when you weren’t even in his way, and calling you mean names until your little E/C eyes welded up with fat tears were just some of the things he would do to torment you. Had it not been for little Rinnie stepping in and protecting you from his brother’s outright bullying, Sae most likely would’ve continued until you cried to your mom about how mean Sae-chan was to you. But you would never do that. Your little crush on him would never allow you to get him into trouble.

Nii-chan! Don’t be too mean to Y/N. You’ll make her inner crybaby come out!

When Sae was especially cruel to you, Rin was always there to lift your spirits. He would tell you not to worry about his "meanie Nii-chan," take your hand and wipe your tears and snotty face, and lead you up to his room where you two could watch movies and play action figures away from his brother's taunts. Even if he could not take you away right away, for instance, if you three were at the park, he would always come and ride the swings or the big slides with you just to make you happy. Despite Sae’s every protest about how you were nothing more than a distraction to him, Rin, and football, you knew that your friendship was sincere and unbreakable.

As you three went through the ups and downs of childhood, you also weathered the storms of adolescence together. Sae left for Madrid, leaving you, Rin, and your previous feelings for his older brother behind to navigate the social awkwardness of junior high and share in each other's accomplishments while he was with his football team and you were at your respective clubs. Your friendship was a source of strength during those formative years, providing solace and understanding when the world seemed confusing.

As you two approached your high school years, something began to change. Accidental touches felt more like fleeting sparks, while innocent glances became lingering stares. Neither of you fully comprehended your newfound feelings, tiptoeing around the unsaid emotions that seemed to glimmer between the two of you until the day Rin asked you to be his just before entering Blue Lock. Now, for the past three years, you have been a happy couple, embarking on the dreaded hell of adulthood and the next chapter of your lives hand-in-hand.

Back in the present, the two of you were glad that Rin finally had some downtime from soccer—well . . . more so you than him. Even after the events of Blue Lock, he and Sae remained rivals, seizing any opportunity they could to humiliate each other on the field. That being said, Rin was almost always in the gym, meditating, doing yoga, or practicing his skills to pass the time. It was nice to be able to spend time together without the stress of his next upcoming game or press conference.

Because it was his mother's birthday weekend and all, she would, of course, invite her boys to come to stay with her and their father for the occasion, which included you too since you were Rin’s girlfriend. However, in the few days that you and Rin have already been at his childhood home, Sae had yet to arrive, and no one had heard from him since he texted his mother that he was on his way to the airport to depart. Regardless, the family was busy finalizing plans for their mother's big day. Mr. Itoshi was at the bakery finalizing the details for his wife's cake, Mrs. Itoshi was out for brunch with your mother, and Rin had gone for an afternoon jog because "staying cooped up all day will turn him into a lukewarm lard ass," in his words. As for you? You had just begun to rise, completing some housework in one of Rin’s old jerseys and washing the dishes on which you and Rin had just eaten a delicious breakfast.

After completing your tasks, you made your way back up the lavish stairs of their home with every intention of going back into Rin’s childhood room that you two were sharing for the weekend when you froze. Your gaze traveled to the opposite end of the hallway, to the closed door whose presence loomed in the distance—Sae’s room.

Memories from your childhood flashed back to you, of you watching him and Rin play all too violent and scary zombie video games, rewatching his matches, and, most begrudgingly, the numerous times he nudged your head with his foot and tousled your perfectly styled hair just to get a rise out of you.

Cringing internally at the past memories, you took a further step in the direction of Rin's room before hesitating once more.

It wouldn’t hurt to take a little peek inside Sae’s room, would it?

Despite your better judgment, you shuffled over the closed door and paused with your slender digits loosely encircling the handle. Your stomach churned and your heart thumped in your chest as your inner voice warned you not to enter another person's private space without their consent. But hold on—why were you getting anxious? Who was going to catch you when no one was at home? Turning the knob gently, the heavy oak door would give way with the tiniest of creaks, revealing a rather uninteresting-looking room. But given that Sae had rarely if ever, been home since junior high, it only made sense for it to be so plain. Aside from the plethora of trophies, medals, certificates, and framed photos that lined his dresser, what made it even more amusing was that those were only the leftovers from what could not fit in his trophy case beside his wooden dresser, which housed some of his youth team jerseys and junior trinkets.

You crept further into the cold room, wrapping your arms around yourself, and shuffled over to the plethora of awards from Sae's tireless efforts. As much as you weren’t fond of him, you had to admit that it was beyond admirable that a child was able to accomplish so much in so little time. He possessed a natural talent that professionals would kill for and others were envious of. Even though you were never interested in the sport, you envied him for being so naturally gifted at something he was passionate about.

“Some ‘monster genius’, huh?” You scoffed to yourself as your gaze fell on the last photo of Sae and Rin playing on the same team together before their relationship fell apart. Oh, how you miss those good old days of your youth.

“The fuck are you doing in here?”

Coming from behind you, an all too familiar voice startled you out of your reverie. Turning around, your wide eyes came to rest on Sae's form, which was motionless in the doorway, his stoic visage forever unamused, and his overnight shoulder bag resting by his feet.

When did he come in?

More notably, he’s . . . changed from the last time you’ve seen him since the U-20 vs. Blue Lock game three years ago. He was a bit taller, probably around 6’2” now. Because he was wearing a long-sleeved white compression shirt and gray sweatpants, you were able to see that his muscles were more defined than before, with every ridge and curve pronounced more vividly. His maroon locks had grown a bit longer, with his fringes now reaching slightly beyond his chiseled, clenched jaw, though his bangs remained forever lopsided and flipped back. And his turquoise eyes—had they gotten even sharper since the last time you'd seen them? The way they were glowering down at you, it was almost as though they were piercing right through your very soul.

“You deaf or something, you half-brained moron?”

Your eyes rolled exasperatedly into the back of your head as he rudely interrupted your thoughts. Only ten seconds after you reconnected, here he was spewing insults your way.

“Nice to see you too, Sae.” You grumbled sarcastically, internally dreading what this weekend would hold in store for the both of you.

In response, he hummed, remaining motionless in the doorway as his teal eyes bore into you with something unknown. The truth is, while you were distracted by his physical appearance, he was ogling you in the same manner. You had grown since the last time he’d seen you when you were back in high school. Your once innocent eyes now had a glint in them that could only be described as nubile; your once round cheeks had slimmed a bit to fit your maturing features; and your body . . . Damn, have you really grown over the years. You had developed a more feminine frame, with fuller thighs, widened hips, larger breasts, and a more prominent ass. You had developed into a truly breathtaking young woman, despite how much he hated to admit it.

“Almost thought you weren’t going to show at all.” You sighed, lazily checking your nails. “What are you doing here anyway?”

“I live here.” His voice was deadpan and monotone, yet it held an underlying hint of irritation. “All these years have passed since grade school, and you’re still as braindead as when you were a child.”

“And you’re just as much of an asshole as you used to be.”

You resisted the urge to sneer, not wanting to give him the satisfaction that he was getting under your skin, as you dropped your arms to your sides. When you made this motion, his brows would furrow, and he would cast a scrutinizing glare at your choice of clothing.

Talking to him was futile, and you did not want to be in this room any longer than necessary now that he was there. “Good to have you home, genius.” You spat sarcastically, attempting to push past him to exit the room, when all of a sudden his large hand would seize your bicep, halting your steps.

Your head snapped to him, your gaze a mixture of frustration and confusion as your lips parted to shout a rebuttal his way; however, upon seeing the blazing fire that had ignited in his eyes, you hesitated. His eyes narrowed to thin slits, like two fiery coals burning fiercely within his sockets. The intensity of his gaze was enough to send shivers down your spine, making you acutely aware of the gravity of his sudden wrath. His jaw clenched tightly, showing the strain of controlling his rage, and his brows furrowed, forming a menacing V-shape above his oculars.

“What the fuck are you wearing?” He seethed through clenched teeth, his voice deep and full of poorly contained malice.

You blinked. Your jaw dropped as you gawked at him, beyond perplexed. He had caught you so off guard that even you had to check what you were wearing to make sure you were not wearing anything objectionable. Nothing worth offending—fuzzy black pajama shorts that hugged your plush thighs, plain slippers, Rin's worn-out football jersey.

“What are you talking about?”

“Don’t play dumb with me, you coy little slut.”

That silenced you effectively. Your eyes enlarged—almost lamblike—and your pretty lips drew in a subtle gasp. Any previous spark that had been ignited within you had quickly diminished, choosing silence over tossing more gasoline onto Sae’s roaring flames.

It appeared as though his entire being was directing his wrath into his single, piercing gaze as every muscle in his face tightened with each passing second. His lips, which are typically flat or curved into an unamused frown, were now deep-set, corners tugging into an awful scowl.

“Why are you wearing that lukewarm loser’s jersey?” When you should be wearing mine?

Now it was your turn to be infuriated as he insulted your boyfriend—his brother—the same person he had thrown out like garbage all those years earlier. Your heart was pounding so loudly in your chest that you could hear your blood pumping in your ears.

“So I’m not allowed to wear my own boyfriend’s jersey now, fuckface?” His gaze faltered. “You going to call me names for that too, Sae? Pull my hair? Spit in my face? Huh?”

“*What did you just say?”

“I said are you going to—”

“No, you cow-titted bimbo. The first thing you said.” He leaned in closer to your face, his eyes owlish and unblinking since you opened your mouth. You could smell his minty breath from the gum he had been chewing wafting into your face, “Say it again.”

“I’m not allowed to wear my boyfriend’s jersey?” You repeated, confusion etching your tone.

“That.” He snarled, his voice elated in a sick way, as though he had just found out the answer to some legendary riddle.

The hand that had been gripping your bicep now violently jerked you to the side, shoving you into his door. Before you had time to react, he crowded your personal space as his forearm pressed against the wood above your head, allowing you to smell the faint scent of his expensive cologne. “When did that happen?”

The initial fire that fueled his rage now transformed into a different kind of heat, a simmering and bitter envy that gnawed at his insides. He found himself grappling with conflicting emotions - on the one hand, he was somewhat happy that his blockhead of a brother managed to get a girlfriend, but on the other hand, it was you. The same girl that he had been pining over since you were first introduced to him all those years ago. The same girl that he thought was prettiest when she pouted at him with fat tears in her eyes and pleaded with him to be nicer to her. The same girl that consumed his thoughts 24/7. The same girl that he jerked his cock to at night after seeing how her fat tits in that all too small jersey bounced every time she cheered for his brother at that stupid game against Blue Lock. The same girl that, on all of those lonely nights overseas, he wished that, instead of fucking his fist, he was pummeling himself deep in your sopping wet cunt. The same girl that he was about to ruin before his brother got home from his whereabouts.

“Before Blue Lock . . .” Your voice was hushed, barely above a whisper, as though you were afraid of awakening a savage beast.

Three years. Three fucking years, and no one told him?! Not his mother, not his father, not Rin, not your stupid little social media (that he may or may not have been stalking) where you posted pictures of cats, candid photos of your friends, or whatever the fuck you got at your local coffee shop that day—not even you.

His once-obvious fury and visceral expression subsided, simmering beneath the surface in a contained inferno that burned with a ferocity few could fathom. Despite the turmoil raging inside him, he remained eerily calm, his stoic facade masking the storm within.

His demeanor exuded a cold, steely resolve that sent shivers down your spine and, quite frankly, took your breath away. There was an ominous sense of stillness in his presence, as if the air itself dared not disturb the calmness he projected.

“. . . Do you love him?” He spoke in hushed tones, each word enunciated with precision and purpose. There was no need for loud outbursts; the intensity of his calmness alone was enough to make you cower beneath him.

You were dumbfounded by his question, powerless to respond, and yet the longer you remained silent, the more you could see the cracks in his facade begin to scorch through his surface.

“D-Don’t be stupid, Sae. Of course I do, he’s my—”

You would never be able to finish your statement quick enough before his hands were on you, meaty palms digging into your hair, blunt nails scratching against your scalp as he grabbed a visceral hold onto your roots. The searing pain and astonishment coursing through your frame had you shrieking—in what? You didn’t know. Fear? Agony? Guilt?

Using his grip on you as a lead, he would tug you forcefully out of your slippers and down the hall to somewhere unknown. He ignored your screams as the weight atop your head forced your sight to the ground, your manicured nails digging into his wrist and clawing in an attempt to be freed.

“S-Sae, I-I’m sorry! Please, let me go! You’re hurting me!”

He said nothing, his heavy and deliberate footsteps speaking for him before he paused a short distance later. He threw you forward carelessly with surprising strength, causing you to land painfully on the wooden floors in front of you, barely having time to brace yourself with your palms. You had no time to catch your breath, though, as he shuffled over to you with fast-paced footsteps. Looking up fretfully, you would see Sae towering over you, taking notice that you were now on the floor of Rin’s room just before his bed.

“Sae—”

“Sae! Sae! Don’t be stupid; I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” He openly mocked you, his lip curled into the faintest of sneers as he glowered down at you in hatred. Although even you could see that there was a bit of hurt behind his cruel teal eyes, “All you do is flap those pretty fuckin’ lips of yours, never knowin’ when to shut your stupid little trap.”

He relished in the way your bottom lip trembled and your eyes grew glassy, the same way they used to all those years ago.

“Still a little crybaby too, I see. Don’t worry, baby, you’ll be sorry soon enough for leading me on all this time.” He grumbled, lunging for you again.

He snagged at your roots again, drawing a sob from your lips as he mercilessly dragged you to your feet. Releasing his grip on your hair, he instead chose to grab your jaw harshly in his palm, using his thumb and forefinger to squish your cheeks and pucker your lips so that he may smash his lips against your own. It was messy, sloppy, and full of passion and rage on Sae’s end. He smeared your gloss, claimed your brims, and forced his tongue into your pretty, pliant mouth, all with the intention of claiming you and your maw for his own—but you would never let him.

You belong to Rin! You were loyal to him! So then, why do Sae’s lips feel so damn good against your own right now? This was wrong. So, so wrong, and yet, why did you want more of him?

Your mind was cloudy. Your head was spinning. You couldn’t breathe. He was suffocating you. Your dainty fists beat at his beefy chest and shoulders, trying to get him to get off of you, but to no avail. Instead, he seized both of your wrists in the grasp of his other hand and squeezed painfully in a warning, forcing you to whine against his lips—a delightful sound that went straight to his hardening bulge that he shamelessly pressed against you, grinding sinfully against your hips.

When he finally pulled away from you, you clearly appeared dazed. Your eyes were half-lidded and glassy, yet you were silently pleading for him to give you more. Your plump lips had swollen from his being pressed so forcefully against your own, and a singular strand of saliva still connected your lips to his own—one which he would sinfully lick away with a salacious swipe of his tongue.

The hand he used to grab your face gently shook your head back and forth, his sadistic turquoise hues savoring your already fucked-out expression. “There’s the greedy bitch I know and love. Finally decided to show yourself, huh? What? You want more, hm? What about your little boyfriend, princess?”

“R-Rin . . . I love, Ri—” You were cut off when Sae’s expression flared, his hand releasing your face for naught but seconds before connecting with your cheek in a hard slap. You squealed from the impact, your head whipping to the side in shock, but you could not help but feel strangely aroused by the contact. He grabbed your cheeks in his palm once more and tightened his hold on your face, bringing you closer to him until you were nose to nose.

“Don’t lie to me, you little minx.” He snarled as he cut his eyes at you. “You don’t think I’ve noticed the way you’ve been looking at me after all these years, like you wanted me? Or that I haven’t overheard your stupid little conversations about how dreamy you think I am to your friends, huh? Or how about now, when you swear up and down that you love my loser little brother, when here you are already going stupid on me when I’ve barely even touched you?”

You clenched your eyes shut as hot, guilty tears rushed behind your lids. He’s right. You've wanted him—always have—but it was too late now. You were with Rin, and he was the love of your life. You could not possibly change that, could you?

“Just say it, Y/N.” He chided, his voice softer than it was before, yet it still held it’s cold, irritated undertone. “Say you want me, and I’ll make you feel better than that lukewarm little shit ever has.” He released your face and smoothed his thick digits over the top of your head, stopping only when he could rest his fingers beneath your chin and tilt your head to look up at him. Your gaze focused on him once more.

“ . . . I want you, Sae. B-But Rin . . . ”

Sae hushed you again, pressing his lips against yours. How badly he wanted that name to never again be uttered by your lovely tongue. When Sae pulled away again, there was the faintest hint of a smirk tugging at the corners of his lips.

“We’ll be quick, okay?” A lie. He was going to take his time fucking his brother’s name out of your memory. “He’ll never suspect a thing.”

Your apprehension was palpable, but ultimately you would succumb to sin and let desire and greed rule over logic and reason. You nodded, giving him the nonverbal go-ahead to stomp on the accelerator and never let up.

“Good girl.” He praised you, both hands abandoning your face to now grip at the collar of your shirt. In one swift motion, he ripped Rin’s jersey clean off of you from down the middle. “About time we got that shit off of you. The sight of it was makin’ me sick.” He spat as he tossed the tattered fabric over his shoulder.

You were not wearing a bra, so the violent motion had your breasts bouncing free after being momentarily released from their confines, allowing them to slap softly against the flesh of your rib cage—much to Sae’s viewing pleasure. You grew sheepish as he seemed to freeze, staring so brazenly at your bare breasts that you began to feel a bit self-conscious. Was something wrong? Did he not like them? Was he expecting more? Less?

In reality, the answer was none of the above. The midfielder swore under his breath as he shoved you back onto Rin's cozy comforter. He hastily climbed on top of you and used his body weight to pin you against the bed as his lustful hands began to grope and knead at your supple flesh, eliciting precious mewls with each delightful squeeze. His lips would latch onto one of your breasts as he dipped his head downward; the thumb and forefinger of his free hand would play with the other, teasing your nipples. His sharp teeth bit greedily over the delicate areola as his tongue flicked and laved over the hardening buds. The stimulation only served to heighten your arousal, as evidenced by the way you wailed his name like a sweet song meant only for his ears and how your thighs squeezed together from your excitement drooling from your folds.

This didn’t go unnoticed by Sae, who was busy alternating between pleasuring both of your breasts and growling under his breath, “Lewd fuckin’ body. S’all mine . . .” When he pulled away, there were visible marks left in his wake—light red splotches and indentations of hungry teeth imprinted on your skin.

He reached for the hem of his compression shirt and lifted it above his head, tossing it off to the side as he sat above you, staring lustfully down at you. He would manhandle you further after sliding off of your body. He pulled your shorts down in one motion, grabbed your thick thighs by the backs of your knees, and pushed them up towards your breasts. When he did, he couldn’t help but whistle, admiring how your puffy folds clung together and your inner thighs remained sticky from your translucent arousal.

“Has he ever made you wet like this?” Sae inquired, leering at you from between your thighs like a hungry lion with it’s eyes set predatorily on a helpless gazelle, to which your gaze would quickly avert. You and Rin had such a strong emotional bond that you never felt the need for frequent sex between you two. There were a few times, though, when Rin would fuck you after a winning game in a way that made you see stars, but those were always very far apart.

Your silence was all Sae needed for his answer. He crept back up onto you, chuckling sardonically as he held your thigh up with one hand, using his body to keep your other spread apart. He wanted to see all of your pretty expressions up close and personal when he ravished you. Swiping two of his fingers between your folds, the sudden motion caused your hips to jerk into his touch and you to keen with need.

Slowly, he inserted a single digit inside of you, hissing at how your walls selfishly gripped his fingers and eagerly tried to devour more of him. “Loosen up, will you, greedy slut?” He slapped your thigh with his other hand as your back arched with pleasure. “This tight pussy will never be able to take my cock at this rate.”

You tried to loosen up, you really did, but there was something so delicious—so tantilizing—about his thick, calloused fingers caressing your velvety walls that made you crave more of him. He continued to thrust his single digit inside of you, his teal oculars peering into your own with such intensity that it forced you to look away.

“Stop that.” His hand that grabbed the back of your knee slithered along your outer thigh until he could grasp your chin and force you to look back at him. “Eyes on me.” He ordered, to which you would nod dumbly amidst your pleasured mewls.

You felt the delightful stretch of another of his thick fingers pressing into your sopping cunt, thrusting in tandem with his previous one, as he leaned closer to you and his lips just barely touched your own.

“S-Sae, mmph, more, please, please, touch me more.” You begged, bringing a sinful smirk to the midfielder’s lips.

Unexpectedly, he would comply with your requests, pressing the pad of his thumb against your throbbing clit and rubbing quick, pleasurable cricles with his fingers as he arduously sought out that sweet, sweet spot inside of you. You could not help but start sobbing his name, his thick fingers filling you to the brim even though he had yet to stuff his cock into you. Each time he curled upward inside of you, his impeccable skill had you gasping for reprieve.

It was nothing like Rin’s. His fingers were slightly thinner than his brother’s, but they were a tad longer too, able to reach the deepest spots within you without even trying. Sae's immense precision and experience, which allowed him to know exactly where your sweetest spots lay within you, made up for his lack of length.

“ . . . Are you seriously thinking about him right now?”

You were startled out of your reverie by his curious tone and thinly veiled anger. You tried to focus on his hardened features through your daze, but you couldn’t. The knot in your tummy tightened, and you felt an enormous wave of pleasure wash over you. Something big was coming, and you could feel it reverberating all throughout your core.

“He could never make you feel this good, could he? Never get this pretty cunt this wet for him, hm?” All throughout his monologue, you could hear the sinful squelching of your juices soaking his palm, dripping down his wrist, and splattering onto the floor. You were a mess beneath him. He would abuse that rough patch just along your upper walls until your toes clung to the sheets in ecstasy.

“M’sorry, m’sorry!” You mewled, breath coming out in short, high-pitched pants as you writhed under him, his pace increasing as he felt your walls fluttering around his fingers.

“Who’s making a mess of you right now? Huh? Speak up, princess; let me hear you say it.”

“—You, Sae! You, you, you! Hah, please, I-I can’t . . . ! I-I’m gonna—”

“Do it. Cum on my fuckin’ fingers. Make a mess for me, pretty.”

You did just that. Your body went rigid for naught but a second before your back was arched into him, and your head tossed itself back into the pillows as a chorus of unabashed wails of your release erupted from your pretty, drooling lips. Your release was immense—loud—as a gushing of juices from your pussy thoroughly drenched the sheets, Sae’s sweatpants, his abs, and his entire forearm.

You squirted. For him. For the first time ever.

It was uncharacteristic how an almost feral grin twisted on Sae’s lips, his fingers removing from your sopping cunt to place a few well-directed slaps on your far too sensitive and overstimulated pussy.

“Atta’ fuckin’ girl. Can’t believe my baby brother was keeping such a sweet little succubus all to himself—selfish bastard.”

You couldn’t even hear him; your chest was rising and falling heavily as tears of pleasure ran down your cheeks (and thighs).

“Hey, hey. You still with me?” His tone was soft, his typically impassive visage now meeting your own with furrowed eyebrows and a tinge of concern behind his bright hues.

You nodded—it was all you could muster at this moment, but it was good enough for Sae. He brought his soaking hand to your parted lips, lightly tapping the digits on your plump flesh in a silent command for you to clean him off. He chuckled. Your lithe tongue and eager brims slurped, licked, and sucked your mess off of his thick fingers that were now shoved down your throat without you even needing to be told what to do.

“You wanna do that again for me? On my cock this time, pretty?”

You were exhausted, your body already aching beneath him, but you still craved more from him. Another meek nod was given, your dazed eyes meeting his only to utter around his fingers, words garbled from his fingers on your tongue, “Wantha’ squirth’ awound ya cahwk.”

That was all Sae needed to hear as he stepped off of the bed, making quick work to discard his soaked sweatpants and boxers into the growing pile of clothes at the base of the bed. His large hands grabbed your soft hips, tugging you toward him with ease as he flipped you onto your hands and knees. He let out a growl, his hand raising to smack your plump ass once, then twice, on both of your cheeks before taking big, greedy handfuls of your flesh into his ravenous palms. This was undoubtedly already his favorite thing about you.

Standing by the edge of the bed, Sae placed your body horizontally across the mattress with your head facing the door. With a forceful push of your face down into the sheets, your view of the room instantly became obscured. You craned your neck back, peering at Sae from over the arch of your back as he grabbed one of your fat cheeks in one hand and used his other to line his cock up with your entrance. He slapped his heavy cock against your folds, his blossoming mushroom tip connecting with your throbbing clit making you both keen with ecstasy.

He couldn’t wait any more. He needed to be inside of you. He entered your drooling cunt with a single, calculated push, and your fluttering walls were already trying to devour more of him in response to the intrusion. Sae groaned as his hips met the flesh of your ass once he was buried to the hilt inside of you. His head lulled back as he dug his blunt nails into your flesh.

For the past three years, this—this right here is exactly what he had been craving, yearning over, and lusting for—and now he had it. He nearly came from the feeling inside of you alone, though; he’d be damned if he let the fun stop there.

A steady pace was quickly established by the midfielder's hips, and his long, deliberate strokes were deep enough to feel in your tummy and cause your toes to curl up in pleasure. Having had such a powerful orgasm not even minutes earlier, you were still fairly sensitive; however, that only made things all the more enjoyable.

“O-Oh my god, y-your cock, it’s t-too much, I-I can’t—”

“Don’t tell me you can’t, you cock-loving slut.” He snapped at you, cutting your pleas short with a sharp thrust of his hips. The rhythmic plapping of your ass against his pelvis resonated off the walls of the bedroom, lewdly ringing in your own ears. “This is everything I—we’ve—been wanting for years. Don’t tell me that now, all of a sudden—” He paused, groaning deeply through gritted teeth as you clenched around him. “—That this pretty pussy can’t take anymore when you’re gripping me so desperately.”

“B-But Sae, i-it feels too good! Like I’m . . . I’m gonna make a mess again!” You whined.

He thought it was adorable that even in the most deplorable and deprived of acts, you still attempted to hold some semblance of modesty. Oh, how you were both far past that.

If anything, that just fueled his aggression. He used your words as justification to pummel your poor pussy harder and faster, putting both of his hands on your hips and lower back and pressing his weight against you to force you into an almost painful arch as his pelvis slammed into your ass. Your vision went blurry from his unforgiving pace, and your throat went raw from your cries and screams of pleasure.

“Who’s making you feel this good, huh?” He grunted in between thrusts, a hand raising to land a furious smack on your ass that caused you to mewl and your tiny fists to grip the sheets.

“Y-You, Sae! You are! Ngh, plea—”

“And who’s cock do you like better, huh, princess? Me or that lukewarm fuckface’s?”

You hesitated, but only for a millisecond, as you felt the blunt head of his cock caressing your sweet spot, pummeling into you over and over as your thighs began to shake, growing unable to hold yourself up from the stimulation. His thrusts faltered as his cock twitched inside of you. You figured he was close too.

“Yours, y-yours! Your cock feels so good, I-I’m gonna cum again! I’m ngh gonna cum all over your f-fuck-ing cock!”

He let out an almost animalistic groan, something between a chuckle and a feral snarl, “Yeah, princess? You really mean it?” He moved one of his hands to your hair, threading his fingers through it without yet pulling, almost as if he were waiting for your response.

Your response was almost instantaneous, and the adorable chorus of incoherent babbles and cries of "yes, yes, yes" left your head spinning. You had the sensation that you might pass out completely.

Your head was abruptly yanked out of the pillows, and your gaze was once again forced upward. Your eyes, albeit blurry and glassy, caught sight of the all-too-familiar figure standing in the doorway. Sweat dribbling from his forehead while dressed in a white windbreaker and sweatpants to protect himself from the elements during his jog, stood the one person who filled you with dread.

Rin.

He was back.

As your eyes locked onto the all-too-memorable teal ones boring into your own, your moans ceased. The logic and reason that you had previously dismissed for giving into your desires came flooding back. Guilt, which had been gnawing at the pit of your stomach, reared it’s ugly head once more.

He caught you.

With his brother.

The realization of your actions, the feeling of knowing that you hurt someone you cared deeply about and promised your life to, left you reeling. The enormity of the situation left you speechless and unable to respond.

As the shock slowly gave way to the depths of your despair, tears welled up in your eyes, this time of anguish. Your ability to control your emotions ran out, and you began to sob, letting the tears run down your cheeks. Each tear that ran free was weighed down by guilt and regret.

All the while, Sae never stopped thrusting behind you. Almost as if he remained unfazed by his brother’s—your boyfriend’s—sudden appearance.

“R-Rin—”

“—Save it.”

His initial shock, disbelief, and hurt gradually gave way to something else. He was angry, searing with anger as malice began to rise within him, a blaze of fury that threatened to consume him. Though he wasn’t looking at you, he was looking at . . . Sae?

“You told me you would wait until I got back, Nii-chan.”

The air left your lungs.

. . . What?

Using the grip from your hair, Sae pulled you back into him, pressing your body flush against his own as he craned your neck back into an awkward angle, forcing your gaze to meet his own. A dark and unsettling satisfaction crept into his expression, the corner of his lips tugging into a smirk. His eyes sparkled with a perverse delight, reveling in the twisted pleasure he derived from your adorably bewildered and anguished expression.

Your breath hitched.

Your mind raced for answers.

Sae’s gaze lazily tore from your own and to Rin's, who still remained in the doorway, the forward’s eyes sinfully burning into the way your breasts bounced sinfully from each of Sae’s now slow, agonizing thrusts.

"You know, little brother, it is not too late to join in on the fun."

ⓒ vampiie 2023 — all rights reserved. please do not repost my work outside of tumblr, modify, or translate my work in any form/means. please do not share my work to tiktok or any other site.

if this gets enough attention, i may make a part two!

[ptolemaeacles]

pls write more for hazel omg i loved the cheerleader hcs maybe like a childhood best friends to lovers so lots of pining and smut maybe

♡ you belong with me

pairing: hazel callahan x fem!reader

synopsis: hazel has had a crush on her best friend since they met in the 1st grade. they were freshman in college now and hazel realizes she can’t keep her feelings to herself anymore.

warnings: 18+ minors dni (both reader and hazel are 18), smut, childhood best friends to lovers, switch!hazel, switch!reader, top!reader, bottom!hazel (no pun intended), let me know if i missed anything!!

notes: aw thank you !!! im glad you liked the hcs. also small disclaimer, i'm a horrid smut writer and i rushed the ending because i didn't want to keep you waiting. hope you like !!!

word count: 2.5k

“god, i’m so excited. i mean this is the first time a girl has asked me out. usually it’s guys who approach me and then i get weird comments when i tell them i like women…” you rambled on but hazel could barely focus. she could only feel the empty pit in her stomach. 

you were so happy to be going on a date and all she could think about is if you would ever be this excited to go on a date with her. she tried to convince you to not go but there was only so much she could do without giving her feelings away. 

hazel thinks she’s loved you since the day she met you. before she knew what ‘love’ meant or what it looked like, she loved you. to her, you were the very definition of that word. 

hazel’s hopeless crush started in the 1st grade. it wasn’t some cute interaction where one of you saved the other from a bully or something. it was simple with the both of you. it always has been. 

you came up to her during lunch and told her you would give her half of your sandwich if she agreed to be your friend.

“what kind of sandwich is it?” hazel asked, from her seat on the lunch table.

“peanut butter and strawberry jelly.” 

“i’m allergic to strawberries.”.

“then don’t eat it and just be my friend.” you sat next to her without another word and the both of you left it like that. simple.

since then, she knew she would never escape you. and she never wanted to. but right now, she felt like if you didn’t stop talking to her about this date, her head would explode. 

hazel watched you walk around your room, shuffling through your closet for an outfit to the movies with the girl who asked you out. she never bothered remembering the girl’s name because she thinks it would the whole situation worse for her. she didn’t want to know anything about that girl.

“...and she said we’ll get ice cream later which i hope-” hazel interrupted you.

“hey, i think i should get home. my mom’s probably wondering where i am and shit, so… i’ll see you later.” hazel wanted to get away as soon as possible. not from you but from the giddiness she could practically feel radiating off your body at the thought of your date. 

“oh.. i thought you told your mom that you were going to study at my place after classes?” you questioned. hazel’s quiet behavior didn’t go unnoticed by you. she was always quiet but after more than 10 years of friendship, you could tell which silences were good and which weren’t. this definitely wasn’t a good one.

“yeah well, we aren’t studying so. i’d better get going, bye.” she spoke in a flat tone, with her head down, as she grabbed her backpack and made her way out of your room.

you stood still, staring at the open door of your room and wondering if you had done something.

hazel walked into her house, red in the face and a vicious grip on the doorknob. she ran up to her room, and threw her backpack in a random corner, probably knocking her guitar down. but her guitar was the last thing on her mind. 

she was pissed at you. mostly herself but you as well. she knew she had no right to be angry at you but how could you never see that hazel was right there. she was right in front of you, waiting for you to even glance in her direction. it’s all she wanted. to be the one who makes you laugh, the one who you’d think of when you saw romantic tiktok slideshows, the one who took you out on rollerblading dates, the one who got to kiss you before dropping you off back to your house, the one who got to slide her hand up your skirt, the one who got to be in between your legs-

she groaned and loudly, flopping onto her bed and stuffing her face in her pillow. she needed to apologize before her stupid feelings ruined your friendship.

hazel had a plan. she was going to go to your house after your date and apologize. apologize for being a dick, apologize for falling in love with you, apologize for every and anything she could apologize for so that you wouldn't hate her. she expected you to yell at her or ask her what was wrong with her. what she didn't expect was you to be calling her phone, right now.

she pressed the green 'accept' button and put the phone up to her ear.

"haze.." she could hear you sniffling through the phone, "i-, uh, can i come over, please? my date- it just- it went horribly and i really want to see you. please." hazel felt her heart drop 10 stories.

"yeah, yeah, i'll come pick you up, angel, where are you?" she questioned.

"outside your house."

hazel ran down the stairs and opened her front door, to be met with your red eyes and puffy face.

you immediately wrapped your arms around hazel, burying your face in her chest. her hands went landed themselves in your hair, stroking it gently in an attempt to comfort.

hazel helped you into her room, setting you down on her bed.

"do you want to talk about it?" she asked softly.

"she- she, um, she stood me up." you could barely get a sentence out without hiccuping. hazel reached over to her nightstand and pulled out an unopened water bottle, unscrewing the cap and handed it to you.

you whispered a thank you and took a few sips. it was hazel's turn to speak now.

"fuck her," you give her a confused look, "oh no, not fuck her, don't do that, i meant that you should just forget about her. she obviously isn't the one for you if she stood you up, and there are so many other people in the world-"

"hazel."

"yes?"

you didn't waste anymore time. you grabbed hazel's face in your hands and crashed your lips into hers.

hazel was sure this was a dream. there was no way you were kissing her right now. she definitely fell asleep and she's imagining this whole thing.

while hazel was having her loser lesbian crisis, you noticed that the kiss wasn't being reciprocated.

'fuck.' you thought. you just ruined your closest and longest friendship. you pulled away from her.

"shit, haze, i didn't mean to do that, i'm not sure what i was thinking-" you started but were quickly shut up when hazel pulled you back in for another kiss.

relief flooded your body. she wanted this. both of you wanted this.

hazel felt you smile into the kiss and took that as her 'go ahead'. she tilted her head, deepening the kiss. shyly, she moved her hand from her lap to your waist. you moved one of your hands to the side of her neck and the other in her hair. you could practically feel her pulse beating rapidly under your palm.

hazel gained a newfound confidence and pushed you back onto her bed, slotting herself between your legs. her lips hovered over your neck before attacking your neck with sloppy kisses. her lips trailed down your neck, making sure to savor the taste of you. her lips met the fabric of your blouse.

"can i take this off, please?" she asked in a breathy manner, as if she had just ran a marathon. you nodded, at a loss for words.

“need to hear you say it, baby. need to know you want it just as bad as i do.” hazel wasn’t aware how raspy her voice was, as if she hadn’t drank water in days. 

“take it off, haze, please. take it all off.” you whispered and caught her lips with yours while she lifted your top off your body. once she had your top thrown in a random corner in her room, she went straight for your pants, not even bothering to take her own clothes off. 

“fuck, hazel,” you were breathless, “i want to see you, too.” you swallowed, gripping the beige button up she was wearing, hoping she knew what you meant.

“you will, princess, don’t worry. i just want to focus on you right now, okay?” you nodded, not fully sure what ‘focusing on you’ meant.

hazel had you in just your bra and underwear, her eyes scanned your body hungrily. if this was a dream, she prayed she remembered every single moment when she woke up. you were better than any fantasy she could conjure up on those lonely nights, when she couldn't think of anything but you. 

you felt her strong gaze settle on your body and you felt self conscious thoughts take the forefront of your mind. you raised your hands over your body, starting to think hazel didn’t want you like you wanted her.

“hey,” hazel grabbed your hands and gently pushed them to your sides, “you have no idea how long i’ve wanted you like this. how many nights i’ve stayed up thinking about you.” hazel started kissing down your neck, making her way to your chest. 

she pulled your bra down, not even bothering to fully unhook it before latching her tongue down onto your right nipple. 

the wet feeling of her mouth made you cry aloud, completely forgetting her mom (and jeff, too, probably) were a few feet down the hall.

hazel lifted her mouth of your tit with a pop, moving her hand to squeeze it instead.

“i’d love to hear you, angel, but i need you to be quiet,” she feverishly pecked your lips, “just tonight, hm?” you murmured a response, more concerned with the ache between your thighs than anything else. 

you guessed hazel read your mind or something, as she started moving down the bed towards the place on your body that needed the most attention. she looked up to you, as if asking once more, if this was what you really wanted. 

“haze, please.” you whined. that was all the confirmation she needed. she slid your panties down slowly, watching a string of wetness connect your pussy and your underwear. hazel felt herself growing wet at the fact that she did this to you. it filled her with a new sense of confidence. she didn’t even wait for your panties to completely slip off your legs before diving in between your thighs.

your back arched off the bed the moment you felt hazel’s tongue make contact with your swollen bud. she slipped her wet muscle throughout your folds, desperate to catch every single drop of wetness she could.

“fuck, haze, feels really fucking good.” you moaned and brought your hand to the back of her head, gripping her hair between your fingers in ecstasy. 

she hummed in response to the praise you were giving her, sending vibrations throughout your core that nearly made you choke. hazel continued to suck on your clit, holding your thighs apart with her hands hooked under your knees. she slid her face side to side with her tongue flat against your pussy, moving your clit with just the right amount of pressure. 

you felt a pressure building in your lower belly and tried to move hazel’s face closer to your mound to chase your release. 

and she stopped. 

you lifted your head from the pillow and stared at her kissing your thighs, before going to unbuckle her own pants. 

“wait hazel,” you put your hands on top of her jean button, “can i?” you spoke so quietly, hazel barely caught what you were saying. she nodded her head, unsure of what else to do.

you gently unbuttoned her jeans before sliding them and her boxers down and allowing hazel to step out of them. you lifted her button up over her head and unclasped her bra, letting them fall onto the space on the floor next to her. she was in awe of you. you were so gentle to her and she would never believe she deserved it, even if you reminded her of it everyday for the rest of her life. 

once she stood completely naked in front of you, you led her to lay down on bed, stomach facing up, before separating her legs and hooking one of your own over hers. 

you looked at her face for any sign of discomfort, only to be met with the rapid rise and fall of hazel’s chest and her eyes shut in euphoria. 

“hazel,” you caught her attention, she stared right at you, “keep your eyes on me.” you lowered yourself gently, placing your clit right on top of hers. both of you let out a sigh of relief at the feeling of your juices mixing with the others.

placing your hands on her stomach, you moved slowly, rocking your hips back and forth against hers. hazel struggled to keep her eyes open, getting lost in the pleasure you were giving her. she always thought of moments exactly like this and imagined it being a lot different. she imagined that she would be the one on top of you, taking charge and pulling orgasm after orgasm from you. but after feeling the movement of your hips against hers and the way your breasts bounced slightly when you would pick up your pace. hazel fought her hardest to keep her eyelids from drooping. she didn’t want to miss a single move you made.

you quickly found a steady rhythm and went faster, prompting hazel to cry out. you leaned down and caught her moans in a rough kiss. 

the familiar coil in your belly seemed to get tighter and tighter. hazel must’ve noticed the way your hips started to rock faster and knew you were about to cum.

“c’mon, cum for me, baby. give it to me, i’m almost there too,” she started rambling as she felt her orgasm approach her as well, “keep going, just a bit faster, angel.” both of you fought to keep your moans from being heard from anyone else in the house.

“fuck hazel, i’m cumming, i-” you were cut off as your orgasm hit you in waves. warmth spread throughout your body, making your limbs weak and causing your legs to nearly give out. 

you kept going, over stimulating yourself, trying to get hazel to reach her orgasm. by the looks of it, she was on the edge. her baby hairs stuck to her sweaty forehead, her face scrunched up in pleasure as her back arched into the air. 

“fuck fuck fuck fuck-” she rambled as her orgasm washed over her, quickly quieted by your mouth capturing hers. 

the both of you gently rode out your releases, breathless and sweaty. you carefully lifted yourself off of hazel and laid next to her on the bed. 

“we should talk about this, you know.” hazel started.

“we will. in the morning, i promise. for now, i just want to be with you.” that seemed to be enough for hazel.

you draped your arm over her waist, pulling her closer to you. she tucked her head in the crook of your neck and the both of you drifted off to sleep.

[bentosandbox]

quick TL for Swummer Module bc it was great (and a bit of Chummer's module)

Happy 5 year anniversary of the chenswire (chapter 5) banner

[Pinned] Regular Chat Group (4)

16:26 Guma: I'm hungry, what's for dinner? Swire: Let's have something nice. Grand Lungmen Resturant, 8PM! You need to try that new puhn choi on their menu. It's their usual recipe, but they use ingredients sourced from that new MCT trade route. They have stuff from Rim Billiton to Sargon. Super fresh. The set also comes with a bottle wine from Sami! Swire: Bison and I worked our asses off to establish this supply chain so you guys better try it! @ Rat Rat: You're counting me in?

17:09 Guma: So hungry. can we go now? Swire: There's no seats available rn, just snack on something first!

18:32 Guma: hungry...

19:20 Guma: so hungryyyyyyy...

19:58 Rat: Something urgent came up, you guys go on without me

20:08 Swire: Huh? Swire: Wb hoshiguma?

20:23 Swire: It's been so long since we had a meal together so we better get one today! Lmk what you want to eat asap after work!

20:41 Swire: so what are we having tonight?

21:19 Swire: what are we having tonightttt??????? Swire: LIN YUXIA I SAW YOUR READ NOTIF!! answer! Rat: I just finished work. Didn't you just release your Director Swire Lungmen Food Guide with the nonstop noisy af TV ads. why are you asking me to decide Guma: Done with my emergency mission. I'm fine w anything as long as there's meat. So hungry I could eat an entire burdenbeast head Rat: What about the snack street? 'the shopping district is right next door, a convergence of unique goods from all over Terra. Only in Lungmen can you shop the whole land!' Writing's not bad Swire: Duh its my work so ofc the copywriting has to be good too Guma: nah sounds like there won't be a lot of meat Swire: Remember the volcanic mud cleanser I got for you @ Rat and the surfboard @ Guma you can buy them there too Swire: Bison and i adjusted the prices until they're just slightly pricier than what you'd pay in siesta. Does that work? Guma: Don't feel like eating surfboard Rat: Then international trade park? The guide's no.2 Swire: Sure we're drawing some investors over there atm so there's plenty of foreign food there they're p good Guma: I want meat also ill take more than 30min to get there from here ill die from hunger Swire: Pity. It's pretty popular with the youths yk, recommended date spot Rat: Agh! Rat: Final option. The cai zhe min stall behind the LGD office. That or you guys can starve Guma: no objections Swire: no objections

21:30 Swire: wait LYX why do you have my guide i thought you didn't like that sort of noise Rat: Just happened to pick it up, problem?

21:33 Rat: Why is the czm stall not in your guide? Swire: I wanted to but the boss wouldn't let me sth about its too bougie for him hes just a regular noodle stall Swire: True tho. Certified Lungmen™️ moment

21:38 Guma: I already ordered come ASAP

23:35 Guma: Why hasn't chen read any of our messages? Swire: Bc she has to connect to an intercity net first. Who knows she might just be on the top of a haystack in some valley waving her terminal around for signal right now

--new messages-- PGL: ...... PGL: you mean a pile of rubble PGL: I'm back in lungmen, i want to eat czm too

thoughts/notes:

As I mentioned in the other ask Swire set nicknames for the other 3 Hoshi: 🐻🐻 Chen: Puk Gaai Lung Lin: Stinky Rat (wanted to use CLS (cau lau syu) but i kept misreading it as cho shan land so lmaoo

Hoshi 'i don't feel like having surfboard for dinner' guma

Lin really likes her cart noodles huh (nodding)

Hoshi and Lin both finished their urgent work at the same time 🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨

this is so good for character study idk like the way lin is like indirectly 'me too?' and never commits but doesn't exactly ghost 24/7 either also her being like -_-💢this or you starve idc HOSHIGUMA.....hungryguma so cute she dgaf Swire. 'the youths love coming here for dates' spoken like a real 25+yo AND CHEN... when youre that one guy in the gc whos overseas or in a diff timezone .......i doubt the timeline doesn't add up so nicely but i had a funny mental image of the 3 eating their noodles and then suddenly chen in her victorian outfit shows up behind them all covered in blood and dust from ch14

Right uh Chummer module:

shes in dossoles, some boy is asking her for help because his dad pulled his mom into some smuggling trade (and he used to be part of it too) chen is like dw i'll punish him and his gang if they deserve it and the boy asked if prison will reform his dad (chen: ...why do you ask) saying his dad used to be Normal but then became money hungry after they came to dossoles and promised him he would take them on a cruise to spot rainbows or something?? chen is like theres water everywhere here shouldnt you have seen enough rainbows. hes like it doesnt count it has to be on a ship and all... she thinks its valid as she remembers how much she wanted wei's approval back then and asks if he still thinks the same and hes like yeah but i cant do it alone... chen is silent for a moment and then helps the boy out, leaving a note before they split ways 'then you'll have to figure out a way to make him hear you out, to tell him you want him to be a better person. at least, he needs to understand your point of view' then it switches to 3rd person narrative lol it rained that day, and chen(女侠 ..!!) subdues a criminal gang, rescuing a woman. the surprising part is that the leader wanted to fight to the end before a child suddenly appeared before him. at some point the rain stops and a rainbow appears, making the gangleader hesitant and eventually drops his weapon after (his son) says something to him. witnesses remark on how chen did not seem happy by this outcome, only pensively staring towards the east

honestly my first reaction was 'omg chen nuxia interrobang' and then 'wuh..??' bc it was so vague compared to what was essentially chatfic or w/e the term is lmao not much on the brain atm except:

hen module: looks toward lungmen swire module: im back

the kinoooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[remindingpersephone]

Here we go again

Hi gang. I'm back on my Chris-Get's-Healthy kick, again. I know I've talked about this and asked for your help in the past. I am once again attempting to quit sugar and work out more.

If you have offered me advice in the past and are tired of my requests, yet again, for advice and ideas, I understand. I get it. Believe me, no one is more tired of my bullshit and my inability to stick to a regimen and make the healthy choices than I am.

This last time I was derailed by my mom's illness and death. I just did not have the mental space or physical energy to commit to disciplined nutritional choices and consistent work outs while taking care of her. But the reasons don't really matter because there were excuses before this one, and on and on. I have been starting and giving up on, healthy living routines since I was 18 years old. Let's do the math, that's 30 years!

A little background: I am not a yo-yo dieter. I very slowly put on weight starting with my first desk job at 20 and never dropped it. The weight has never bothered me. I am a confident woman who has never needed to fit into a six 6. I am also single by choice and nothing in the last 30 years has given me a reason to change my mind about this.

This situation now is that I'm looking hard at 50 and the little aches and pains: the trick knee, the occasional sciatica, the feet that get a little too sore too soon, are, I feel, all red flags signaling that hitting snooze on my health is no longer an option.

I truly believe that fitness and nutritional eating are not only the key to staying fit and active, but I think if I just commit and get through those first few tough months, I would actually like it.

Lately I've been drinking my Dr. Pepper and eating my high-calorie cheesy pasta and lots of sourdough bread (all my favorites), but they just haven't been as satisfying as they once were. [Sidebar: I realize some of this could be residual depression and grief making life just not as wonderful as it once was. That will take time.]

Mostly, I'm just tired of giving the "I have got to get my health in order" thoughts the mental real estate in my brain. I need to deal with it so I can move on from it. So it is not such big part of my daily thoughts.

My long-winded and self-indulgent post here is just to ask once again - and I swear for the last time - what do you all find works for you as far as fitness and nutrition goes? My fitness goals are:

to get stronger and improve flexibility and mobility while protecting the joints and ligaments

staving off osteoporosis

alleviating some peri-menopause symptoms

My nutrition goals are:

to kick the sugar addiction once and for all and change my palate so I don't crave sweet things so much

prevent diabetes/heart disease, etc. before they start

improving gut health

I welcome all comments and advice, and that includes the tough-love "girl, you have got to get your shit together!"

[candlelightreader]

I am currently on a Jane Eyre bender, having watched every single adaptation since 1943 (I couldn't find 1934 or prior) in the last two weeks, and I have a lot of thoughts! But two thoughts are at the very top:

a) This piece of literature has had a TV or feature adaptation practically every decade, sometimes more, since the 1910s (and I'm only counting British and American version) and is we're due one this decade. Bring it on! I'll take a series after 2011, but hey 2006 is great already so maybe we just need another film? Or just give us the 2011 director's cut, you cowards!

b) (and this is the bigger point for today) I cannot explain to myself why, while I find age gaps intolerable in real life and especially in modern times, I really can't see it (and forget about it even) in Jane Eyre--for the most part. It doesn't truly bother me that she's barely 18 and Rochester 20 years older. Not even when you take into account the kind of life he led before he meets her and the added major power imbalance in their situation as boss/employee.

I mean, I have come to understand that the power imbalance given the norms at the time is the reason he brings in Ingram to try to get her to admit her feelings. He can't come outright and ask her for fear of appearing like a cad and stepping over the line if she doesn't reciprocate his feelings. At the same time, she can't ask him plainly because if she is wrong about his feelings, she'll only be the cliché governess who comes on to her boss and probably have to leave the very nice job and first refuge she ever had. So they are both at an impasse.

(I choose here to take at face value the idea that Bertha is truly mad and not driven mad and that the whole thing is tragedy because he's unable to divorce her. It's its own rant to discuss what she may represent or what the truth may be with her. Also noting that the age gap is only problematic because she's a teenager and he's basically middle-aged. If they had met later, at least nearer 25 for her, then it wouldn't be the same, although it really only stops being concerning after about 29, right?)

Anyway, I come back to the fact that I feel bothered that I am not that bothered that they have such gap. Because the other imbalances (wealth and employment status) adjust themselves eventually, but not age; he remains older and she younger. Is it because in the very specific context they are in they are equal in spirit and each really have something to teach the other? Or perhaps the time period? Because I definitely feel I would have an issue with the story if it was set in the 21st century, only because an 18yo today is not in any way the same as one in the mid 19th century.

She also has a superior self-awereness to her, given her life experiences that he lacks when they meet. He just has to first be humbled and taken down notches to get to her level. In that sense, he is no more mature for having lived longer and is stuck emotionally and perhaps mentally too in the age he was when his father and brother's died soon after his first marriage. But it remains she is a girl with absolutely no experience with men and he's a lothario who's been gallivanting the globe seducing women and being a sugar daddy.

One may say it's also because it is addressed by the characters themselves and that Rochester seems self-aware that he is much older, even at a time when many men of his station would see it as their due to get the 'young thing'. He makes remarks on his age in a way that diffuses the idea that she is blind to the potential for corruption that is there in their situation. He knows she deserves better.

But most important perhaps is that, in real life, the idea of a 38 yo and 18 yo getting together feels wrong because we have no insight into the relationship and only see the imbalance (justifiably because we know too well of the way older partners will manipulate their younger ones) no matter the gender. So the insight into Jane Eyre's mind manages to convince me of the validity of the relationship than if I was reading it as a document removed from her voice.

Jane Eyre is not the only story where I have contradictory views of age gaps. I am sure I've read other romances with gaps that don't bother me, when in real life I find it reprehensible for the most part.

Anyhow, I will certainly be looking into academic breakdowns of the couple to seek some answers, as I do.

These where thoughts I wanted to put down. Will come back later for thoughts on the adaptations.

[intersex-questions]

i've been questioning if i'm intersex for a while, and i think it may be pcos or ncah but i'm genuinely not sure at this point. i started puberty early, i've always had excessive hair growth, i'm a very short adult (5'0 at 18 and i haven't grown an inch since 6th grade), i struggled with acne as a child that was difficult to get rid of and i got made fun of for and i still have very oily skin, i may have genital differences but due to trauma i haven't checked myself and it may just be a body dysmorphia/dissociation thing.

i guess the main thing i'm getting caught up on is that i don't find my periods particularly irregular or painful, at least not anymore. when i was younger, i went months without getting a period and when i did they could be very heavy and painful but i was told it was normal for my age at the time, and it evened out as i got older other than my cycle length being irregular still. though i doubt what my mother finds completely normal when it comes to these symptoms due to her mother likely also most likely being intersex and never being given the proper resources to grapple with that.

i initially started to believe it may be pcos because i believe i had two times where a cyst bursted? the first time i got an intense pain in my lower area and passed out from the pain. the second time i got a similar pain and was up late at night vomitting and my mother ended up taking me to the hospital. i've been meaning to see a gynecologist to confirm wether or not i have cysts, but again due to trauma i've pushed this back. i've also been wanting to get my hormones levels checked, but i genuinely just do not know how to go about that.

i know i don't have to have an exact idea of my variant to call myself intersex, my life makes a lot more sense in the context of that framework, but i guess i'm still seeking validation that it's okay to call myself intersex.

There's a few things I'd like to say. I really, really encourage you to go to a doctor when you feel able to, because pain to the point you passed out sounds really concerning and dangerous, although I do understand how trauma can make that incredibly challenging to do, especially since gynecologists are often NOT as trauma-informed and kind/gentle as they should be. But doing that seems like something you really should do not just to seek out an "intersex" diagnosis but to make sure your body is healthy and that you are safe. In the cases you've described, those are "you should go to the hospital" cases, so I am very glad you DID go to the hospital one of those times.

If you're interested in getting your hormone levels checked, you would most likely just speak to your general care provider/practitioner/whatever term is used for your just standard/regular doctor you see for things like check-ups. They should either be able to order them for you or redirect you to someone that can order those tests for you. For example, my frequent blood tests to test things like hormones (among others) are put in by my endocrinologist.

On periods: it is considered "normal" for people who get periods to get them irregularly for a couple of years or so after they get their first period, and then they "even out" to what their usual periods are like. Everyone's menstrual cycles are different, so some people do have shorter or longer time frames between them, heavier or lighter periods, shorter or longer periods, etc. Human bodies are so different and intricate it can often be hard to sometimes pinpoint, "is this thing about a period something that's indicative of another health condition or something else, or is it just "normal?" I am sorry that the pain you experienced in your early puberty was dismissed. Even if that pain truly was normal, it deserved to be treated and validated.

I can say that I do know some intersex people who had rather irregular periods that evened out to a degree as they got older and have PCOS and NCAH (separately).

If you're looking for answers on your body, you will have to go through more medical and diagnosis-seeking processes like you mentioned. However, I would like to point out it is possible to have PCOS without having cysts. You could try researching that as well as PCOS further, and you could also research symptoms of hyperandrogenism in general and see how all of those align with your body and your experiences, although I absolutely understand how that can be hard due to the trauma and body dysmorphia you mentioned, especially for things that are secondary or primary sex characteristics.

I always encourage people to use the intersex label if they feel it explains their sex differences in their body. The worst thing that could happen from you using intersex and then finding out you're not is that you were wrong. And it's okay and very common to be wrong. If you seek out a diagnosis, being misdiagnosed with things, whether it's an intersex variation or something else, is something that happens to many people. And seeking out a diagnosis helps you eliminate things that you aren't, which helps you learn things you could be, which I think would be helpful considering you've mentioned some concerning pain issues.

I hope this helps at least some, sorry if it sounds all over the place. Sending you good wishes!

[gym-leader-onyx]

Obligatory Introduction Post

Yo, what's up? Saw my friends doing this, and I decided I might as well make one.

I'm Onyx. I'm a rock/steel type gym leader located in the Galar region. You may recognize me from the Galar gym challenge a couple of years back. But I'm just here to post about my life and what it's like being a gym leader.

More about me under the cut if you're curious. If you wanna skip all that, just scroll to the very bottom to see the rules.

I was born and raised in Unova, but my family and I moved to Galar when was 13, which is also the time I started my journey. Rivals and friends were @quillpokebiology and @pokedesignercalli, as well as my other best friend who is a bit secretive and doesn't plan on getting a Rotomblr. When I'm not doing my gym duties, I work in coding and help tutor young kids on math.

Team

As a gym leader, I have to have a lot of Pokemon to fit the skill level of the different trainers that come by. But still, here they are!

Journey Team

Atlas: Metagross

He was my starter, which I got as a Beldum. Found them wandering the city at night and decided to take them in since they didn't have a trainer. I know Metagross doesn't have a gender, but they don't really care what you refer to them as.

Obsidian: (Shiny) Gigalith

Caught him as a rogenrolla because he snuck into my camp, and it was the first wild shiny pokemon I saw.

Marble/Aggron

I found her while exploring a cave, and she was just a small Aron chewing on some random metals she found.

Jasper/Scizor

Found him in the wild and is the first pokemon I caught that was fully evolved. I'm not fully sure what happened to him, but my theory is that he was abandoned by his old trainer, since he doesn't like it when I'm gone for too long and gets really clingy when I come back.

Fenrir/(Midnight) Lycanroc

I found him as a rockruff in the Isle of Armor. He was really rowdy and aggressive, which really appealed to younger me back then. I didn't really know what to name him, so Quill did. They say it's from a myth, but I don't really understand it. Fenrir is also the pfp.

Gym Teams

First Challengers: Galarian Meowth (Male), Rolycoly (Male)

Early challengers: Galarian meowth (male), Onix (male), Togedemaru (male)

Mid Challengers: Persurker (Male), Boldore (female), Togedemaru (female), Stunfisk (male)

Last Challengers: Excadrill (Male), Steelix (male), Shuckle (Female), Crustle (female), Coperajah (female)

And then the final teams are just my journey team, which I rarely use unless I'm up against another gym leader, someone of the same skill, or if someone straight up asks me to.

Other

Rocko/Roggenrola

That time Obsidian had a son with a ditto without me freaking knowing. But yeah, Rock is Obsidian's kid. He's a bit of a troublemaker, but I still love him. He's also the youngest member of my team.

Rules

-While Onyx is 18, the person running this blog isn't and is still a minor. Please do not submit any NSFW, and I will br keeping this blog PG so everyone can view it. You xan send flirty stuff in inbox if you want, since i can imagine the interactions will be pretty funny, but nothing too far

-Not really a rule, but the background for the art came from blitzorodeo on Instagram

-If your account has the default tumblr pfp, is untitled, has no description, has a pornographic name, or pornagraphic imagery, I'll assume that you are a bot and you will be blocked

-This takes place in an alternate universe where most of the existing characters don't exist. But I will talk about some as if they do exist if asked about them; I'll just tag it as not canon

[sucrosette]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

1. How many works do you have on ao3?

28, 32 if you count the MCU fics I am not particularly proud of. But some people seem to like them, so they stay.

2. what's your total ao3 word count?

266,092 - I probably have a good 50k+ in sitting in my wips.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Genshin Impact, BSD, VLD (but only klance), the Wolfstar corner of HP, and BNHA. Also, I'm planning to write for Carry On for Carry On Countdown this year. At some point I’d like to write for kingdom hearts and sk8. (Previously MCU but as mentioned that's been long abandoned.)

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Whoops, There Goes My Heart (T, 38.4k)

Iced Coffee is Not Supposed to be Spicy (E, 11.1k)

He Makes Me Bloom (E, 30.5k)

Rosé & Bubblegum (E, 11.3k)

Make This Home Yours (E, 10.8k)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Yes! I like engaging with my readers, sometimes I'm just very slow. Or like in the context of a wip, I don't always respond until I'm ready to post the next chapter. Which can be very quick or very slow, depending.

6. What is a fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

If Love Was Labeled Poison (E), definitely, easily, by a mile. It's a wip, but it was originally written as just this first chapter. And its ending is heartbreaking. And it's still not gonna be the happiest ending when I post the following two either.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Most of my fics have happy endings, so just a fic that's extremely precious to me in its healing feelings: and it was enough (T)

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I wouldn't call it hate. There have been a couple weird comments I've deleted since entering VLD's fandom space about headcanons but I don't think it's hate. Just people being kind of asses. And in general it doesn't bother me, most of the comments I get are glowing.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

So much smut. Very kinky, queer smut. No one is hetero and no one is cis. I generally try and tag dynamics and kinks used though so no one gets jump scared.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

No. I mean, I've thought about it, but in the end, I just end up pulling elements from what would be the borrowed setting for the characters I want to write for. I'm not generally the sort who would dabble in crossover character interactions for longfic. Maybe in a silly drabble, if someone requested some of my favs.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I'm aware of.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes, but I'm unsure if those translations are still available somewhere.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

A long, long time ago, in a galaxy far away, before the time of ao3. But not since. I do have a couple ideas with one of my partners that we might hash out eventually.

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

Honestly? I love all my ships, I couldn't exactly rank them and it depends entirely on my mood. But, if there's one ship I'll always come back to, it's probably tddk, it's my comfort ship, they're always there for me. I have written exactly one fic, but they mean a lot to me. I'm going to write them more. (On that note, please give The Tea Shoppe at the End of Time (T) some love).

15. What's a wip you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

I don't think I have one. I know I have some old wips, but I do plan to go back and polish them up and finish them out.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I'd say... probably emotionally evocative imagery and metaphor, I think? I'm very much a smut author, but I think my imagery deserves note. Probably also snarky dialogue I love me some snarky ships.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Fight scenes. Yep. Fight scenes.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I like it, I support it, sometimes I do it. It can feel very intimate, but I try and have a native speaker double check my work, and always leave translation notes for my readers.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Oh, if we reach way back when... Probably Yuyu Hakusho or One Piece. But who knows where those ran off to. It was before ao3 times. I wasn't even an adult.

20. Favorite fic you've written?

To be honest, I can't really pick a favorite. But if I had to pick a writing I've done I think people should read (that I haven't already mentioned) I present Pettiness in Portraiture (E). Mind the tags, it's fucking rough.

[sunskate]

JGP Austria ice dance -

Darya Grimm/Michail Savitskiy 🇩🇪GER (16/20 yo) they were 5th at the JGP Final last season and 6th in the RD at junior worlds but had to withdraw from the FD due to food poisoning. he was the engaging commentator for Nebelhorn Trophy last fall. their ISU bio hobbies are cherry pit spitting (her) and failure management (him), and their skating has personality as well 😊 he's been the stand out - lovely skater, strong partner - he draws your eye when you watch them. she was very young when they began, has lots of potential. her extension and free leg weren't quite matching his last season. their RD is to ELO, and they have a Habanera (so, Spanish themed?) FD. this is their 3rd and final junior season. the podium at worlds feels like an attainable goal for them

i wrote this before news of their accident 😢 we won't get to see them skate, but check out their previous programs if you like. hope she recovers stronger than ever and that we see them back this season

Angelina Kudryavtseva/Ilia Karankevich 🇨🇾CYP (17/19 yo) known for their creativity and flair, they had a cheerleader FD last season. every season they do something nobody else is doing (2021, 2019). i love their audacity and quirkiness - most of their programs have some surprise, their take on most styles has their stamp on it. they like no hands balance lifts where she's holding on by her heel or toe, or rotational lifts where she's spinning on top of his head. even in a lyrical program ⬆️ look. at. these. lifts! maybe not every novel thing works, but so often it does. they've been as high as 8th at junior worlds but tend to lose points on levels and twizzle errors. there are details of unison and control that they need to improve in order to move up. i'm sure they're aiming for top 5 in the world and want to make the JGPF. they're skating a Madonna RD and a Nights of Cabiria FD - if that's the Fellini film music, it's bright and jazzy but more in a characterful than cool way, 50s, kind of lush in places, and it’s the story that Sweet Charity is based on - am very interested to see what they came up with for their final junior FD

Elliana Peal/Ethan Peal 🇺🇸USA (16/19 yo) a sibling team, they've been as high as 3rd at US Nationals and have silver medals from Dallas and Lake Placid this season already. they're aiming for the worlds team for the US this season. they have a Janet Jackson RD ⬆️ and Lord of the Rings FD. they've always been coached by their dad, who went to jr worlds for US ice dance himself, but at Lake Placid, Igor was also at the boards for them although he's not officially on their team. they maybe lack speed but have good unison

Iryna Pidgaina/Artem Koval 🇺🇦UKR (14/19 yo) she looks more mature as a skater than her years, so they seem balanced as a team. last season was their first in int'l competition, and they had a 4th place at JGP Gdansk. this season they're skating George Benson and Pump Up the Jam for their RD, Robbie Williams and I Love Rock n' Roll for their FD, and Nazarova/Nikitin are 2 of their choreographers😭

Chloe Nguyen/Brendan Giang 🇨🇦CAN (18/20 yo) they're a newly formed team training with WIng/Lowe in Vancouver. both have been to the JGP with their previous partners. they won the Next Gen competition, have good fundamental skills, seem well matched and are off to a good start (they're at 1:09:30 ⬆️) i really hate their Aspects of Love FD music- it's from an Andrew Lloyd Webber musical that was a huge flop on Broadway. i'd dislike the music anyway, but what makes it worse is that the show, among a number of storylines, has 2 inappropriate relationships between an adult and a minor, and two of the songs in this FD are about those relationships. i don't know why their team would choose this for a junior program

Ashlie Slatter/Atl Ongay-Perez 🇬🇧GBR (14/16 yo) they are musical and have been vibrant performers since they were little. as their skating skills develop to catch up to their performance quality, they'll rise. levels in step sequences and patterns have been a challenge. but they have interesting choreo and i think? skate more in hold than a lot of teams. they were 18th at junior worlds in march. their RD is Run-DMC, and their FD is jazz, blues and Great Balls of Fire

Caroline Mullen/Brendan Mullen 🇺🇸 USA (17/19 yo) they had to sit out last season due to injury and also switched camps from WISA to Rockville with Dmitri Ilin but have been spending time at MIDA getting choreo as well. they have a bronze medal from Lake Placid this season, and this is their first JGP

Ambre Perrier Gianesini/Samuel Blanc Klaperman 🇫🇷 FRA (16/16 yo) this is their 2nd junior and 2nd JGP season. they medaled at some events last season and have nice qualities but also were prone to falls and twizzle errors. hopefully they got their nerves out and will have good outings here

[eddiemelrose]

just thought of a long term happy ending for eddie when thinking about a different oc entirely <3 it is jeddie endgame tho so sorry to jeddie haters

okay so in my version of what happens after the series, lissa has her first child when she is 25. Jill is actively participating in all the royal politics and stuff and has been a member of the council since she was 18 but when basil is born (the baby lol) Jill decides that she is going to pass her title of princess onto him so he is prince basil dragomir even tho he's a legit newborn. this is allowed in canon lol the dashkovs are an example of that and jill willingly passes on her title it's fine. So she isn't princess dragomir anymore BUT she is still on the council and everything.

then just under two years later Lissa has her second child so now there's five Dragomirs!!! I'm counting Christian as a Dragomir after he married Lissa even though he isn't one by blood (but still possesses just enough to take her name when they marry) anyway after alma is born Lissa makes the big offer to Jill where she's like you can leave politics forever if you want. You've given up so much for me and now you have the chance to live the life you want. She says she doesn't have to keep her council seat and wait until basil is eighteen. There's that whole tiebreaker thing with the monarch having two votes so it's not really an issue since Jill would always vote with Lissa anyway

Now I've only just thought about this so there's a lot of extra details I gotta daydream about first lol but basically Jill is like thanks bestie!! And she goes to Maine and shows up at the gangs place like hiiiiiiiiiiii and somehow jeddie had maintained their relationship so long or maybe they still had feelings but Eddie was too bound to duty to leave sydrian or whatever but they end up having a full proper committed relationship. At this time Jill is 25 and Eddie is 28. so they are starting out way older than all their other homies who found their true love as teenagers lmao

but yeah at this point sydrian are like yo we are Good go and be in love!!!! Sydney has definitely figured out a way to create wards around their property that are also immune to being pierced by stakes because of the whole magic collision thing idk I'll explain that later but the point is Eddie doesn't really need to be there anymore. Sure he can stick around but why should he when sydrian are safe and Jill is here and ready to be with him without the issue of her bloodline????

yeah that's my initial thoughts I will probably develop this later lol but damn I really gotta go years ahead from the end of TRC to figure this all out. It's a shame it still means Eddie is hanging around sydrian for a good nine years before Jill can tear him away lol

[artaxlivs]

Okay, here we go. Deep dive character study by way of music.

Clint is a child of the 80s which means he's nostalgic. He didn't get enough time with his mom so he'll always want to retain as much as he can of her. Iowa, early 80s, a young mom who's husband smacked her around, she probably put on Fleetwood Mac's album "Rumors" when Harold was gone and daydreamed about her and her boys being free of him. Clint would watch her twirl around the house in a long sundress in her bare feet, sunlight streaming through the windows and she'd scoop him up and sing with him. Because of her, he knows all the words to "Independence Day" by Martina McBride which came out after she'd died but he always wonders if she'd heard how strong Martina was in that song, if maybe his mama would have left his daddy and they could have been free together.

I feel confident that Martina would lead to a secret love of 90s angry housewife country (Shania, Deanna Carter, Trisha Yearwood - I'm talking to you). Clint singing "Did I Shave My Legs for This" FULL OUT in his kitchen is so canon that I can hear Lucky howling out the back up vocals.

BUT, since the age that he joined the circus varies in comic books, we can't tell how long he would have been privy to music found on MTV (highly popular for finding new music at the time) or in mainstream media - neither of which he would have had access to in the circus. Let's suppose he stayed in foster care until he was 12 though. Just to offer an additional possibility. "License to Ill" by the Beastie Boys was wildly popular among young white boys in the late 80s/early 90s while teaching themselves to skateboard, and raging against prepubescent suburban boredom. I think it would have appealed to Clint for several reasons - the "fuck grown ups who tell us what to do" of it, the illicitness of listening to rap when pop was so popular AND the amazing vibrations to be had from the speakers of a ghetto blaster. I think, much like the Gen X and elder millennials, that album would stay with him, being the first time music made him feel like he was going against the mainstream.

In that same vein, if he was still listening to music found on MTV or the rare modern rock stations at the time, I think that 16-18 yo Clint would have rolled right into the image he curated for himself via the Beastie Boys and listened to Sublime's album "40 Ounces to Freedom" then "Teenage Dirtbag" by Wheatus and "My Own Worst Enemy" by Lit. All of which would have led him to Limp Bizkit and Eminem. I think you could make a case for this music finding him anyway, as a way to escape into the loud, chaotic bursts of sound and vibration if you were so inclined.

However, if we assume that he was already at the circus by 9 years old, which is what most people use as canon, the music available would have been whatever the carneys were playing on radio stations. So old country - stuff like Dolly Parton, Waylon Jennings, Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson - or Kasey Kassum's Top 100 Hits (stuff like Survivor's "Eye of the Tiger," Pat Benatar's "Invincible"), and probably a lot of classic rock (which would have been more 70s rock since it was the early 90s). He'd have probably been well versed in Steve Miller Band (Greatest hits album), Creedence Clearwater (Chronicles Album would be a safe bet), Journey (Also Greatest Hits Album) - and yes, Fleetwood Mac (also the Greatest Hits Album) - the greatest hit albums were made up of the singles that played on the radio so that's what would have stuck with him.

For me, I think that no matter what age he arrived at the circus at, grown up Clint likes music that reminds him of good times, music that makes him feel whole, settles him. Young Clint had a life filled with struggle and instability, he lost his parents young and the one person on his side would later betray him and leave him for dead. I think Clint looks back at those first few years, even with his dad being abusive, and remember the hopeful glimpses of the one person who didn't let him down. The girl with golden hair, dancing barefoot across the kitchen, sundress sweeping around her calves, singing about Dreams and that "thunder only happens when its raining."

....I probably took this assignment too seriously...

dear hawkeye nation, may i ask you to give me the names of some albums that you think clint would really love? like, if he was the person to have a vinyl collection (which is isn't) he would have that album on vinyl?

absolutely no genre restrictions, hit me with everything!!

[literaticat]

Hello. Just wondering what you think of the current "Roald Dahl re-write" controversy.

Hahaha I have a lot of feelings. Some of them you probably won't like? IDK.

First of all, lemme just say, Roald D was an anti-Semitic asshole, a notoriously difficult and bad man, his books are mean-spirited and rankle me, I really don't give a fig about him or his books or his legacy, and I'd never give them to a child.

(I wouldn't stop a child from reading one if they wanted to, either! I wouldn't BAN them! It's fine with me that they EXIST and are readily available for anyone who wants to read them! I just personally would not spend my money to present a child with a copy of one of his books, I think there are better things to read that I'd rather gift.)

So if you were under a rock and you didn't hear this latest "outrage", evidently the Roald Dahl estate + the UK publisher decided to do an update to a bunch of his books removing some of the particularly egregious language around things like minorities, fat people, etc. Some of the coverage of this makes it sound like they removed vast swathes of text, essentially rewriting the books. Which would obviously be insane if true. But it's not true. The changes are, as the estate put it, "small and carefully considered." There might be hundreds in total, but if they are tweaks to words across dozens of books - that's really not very many?

Anyway lots of authors are decrying it as CENSORSHIP!!!!! In my opinion... that is a little dramatic. First of all - censorship would be if they redacted the language without the permission of the rights holder. That is not the case. The rights holder is very much on board here - presumably because they know that the language is old-fashioned at best and OFFENSIVE at worst, and they just signed a many-million dollar contract with Netflix! And I'm sure they would like people to NOT boycott those Netflix projects and continue to buy the books!

It would also be censorship if somebody rounded up all old copies and destroyed them, preventing people from ever experiencing the text as originally published. But that's not happening. There are literally MILLIONS of copies of these books in print. They are SO available we could all build houses out of them. Nobody is taking anything away here.

Additionally -- this happens ALL THE TIME. All! The! Time!!!! Mind you -- MOST books just go out of print and are forgotten. But books that are lucky enough to stay in print for decades are often updated / tweaked to reflect changing cultural mores, etc.

For examples: In the 1930's, Nancy Drew was 16 years old and carried a gun. In the 1950's, they realized that was not going over well anymore, so they changed all her stories to make her 18 with no gun.

In the 1970's, Margaret of ARE YOU THERE GOD fame wore a "sanitary belt" for her period. I read these books in the early 80's and was like "wtf???" -- well, in the late 80s, they changed it to pads.

Oh, and also, in early editions of CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY, the Oompa-Loompas were Black pygmies from a tribe in Africa! They changed them to orange fantasy creatures later, because guess what, people were weirded out about it.

While it's true that Roald D himself made/approved that change (presumably because somebody back in the day told him, "yo, you are going to get a LOT of money from Hollywood if you make this change" and he realized it was true) -- he's dead. If he were alive, he'd probably have the same convo, and people would say "yo, Netflix is giving you millions of dollars, apologize for the hatred you spewed and change some words or your deal is toast." -- And he'd have done it, just like he did the first time. Since he's dead, his heirs made that decision. Which they are fully allowed to do.

Most of the time, literary executors of author's estates are trying to do the most lucrative things for that estate; they have a fiduciary responsibility to do so. That being said - if you feel strongly that after your death your books must be frozen in amber and never changed a bit, never sold to Hollywood / adapted for stage or TV or film, never sold into foreign countries where words change in translation all the time -- then let your heirs / executors know that explicitly, they DO NOT have permission to agree to any of this. And the books will likely just go out of print, and sink into oblivion.

ETA: Are these changes really being done because of concern for children's "delicate" brains, or "cancel culture gone mad"? ... OR, is it a somewhat cynical cash-grab to ensure that a multi-million dollar Netflix deal doesn't go down the tubes? Probably the latter!

But also, that isn't censorship. Creators and their estates are allowed to grab cash if it is offered, and can change or not change things as they will. They are the rights holders.

--

ETA ETA: I also should have mentioned a similar case from a couple years back: In 2021, the Seuss estate elected to *stop* publishing certain titles that contained racial and ethnic stereotypes. (And also - those particular books were among his least popular and they were not losing anything by making that decision, they make a billion dollars off his other books, and actually that news made his books SKYROCKET in sales, but whatever). It would not surprise me AT ALL if this hand-wringing news actually causes a big spike in Dahl sales.

[laurfilijames]

So I have always been curious about something, but I didn't want to overstep, so if this is personal or you don't want to share, please delete this Ask. XD

You mention that you're an equestrian and a horsegirl--can you please tell us more about that? About your horse(s), your experience riding, all or any of that stuff. :) I love horses but have never lived anywhere you can access them easily, so lucky people with horses fascinate me!

Me getting this ask.

Ohhhhh you're so nice for asking!! I am indeed an equestrian and proud Horse Girl and am more than happy to talk about my passion and number one hobby!

I've always loved horses, and first rode one when I was 2. My aunt (who is like my mother, who also never had kids ((we say every time we're together that were each other's favourite family member ☺️)) has always had horses and introduced me to the lovely beasts. Her first horse that she owned was the first one I rode; her name was Chardonnay (yes I know...) and we sadly lost her two years ago at the age of 25. We still have her two babies, a 20 yo gelding named Hooligan (again, I know...) and a 18 year old mare Izzy (aka The Red Devil) and yes they live up to their names.

I've ridden at various stables throughout my childhood and teenage years, with some breaks in between being a boy-crazy teen and working/school, but have always consistently ridden my Aunts horses.

I've never competed, had zero desire and it would've taken the joy out of it for me, as showing is a whole different ball game. I ride purely for the love of it and bonding with my horse.

I ride "English" and do hunter/jumper (jumping over fences through courses) but really just love going out and spending time with them by grooming them and maybe going for a hack through the fields after doing some walk/trot/canter exercises.

I was part-boarding two different horses over the last few years but sadly my coach sold one and then the other became severely lame so I actually haven't ridden since December 😭. I think I needed the break, and now that spring is here I will get back in the saddle and working my aunts horses as they've fattened up heaps over the winter.

It's a dangerous sport, and sometimes I get in my own head over it and am becoming less "risky" with riding in general (ie not terribly fussed if I jump or not). Now that I'm in my thirties, falling off hurts a f*ck of a lot more and takes longer to heal/recover and I have a job and a house and a cottage to pay for.

I don't know if I'll ever own a horse myself, they're bloody expensive, finicky beasts who have insane, head-scratching illnesses and injuries, but I know I will always have them be a part of my life.

Horses are truly magical creatures. They're like dogs, but bigger, and usually forget their size. They know when you have a bad day, are sad or happy, and have the amazing ability to feel every emotion you do. When you're on one, you can literally think what you're going to do next and lo and behold, they're doing it. They feed off of our emotions and even though they are prey animals and are completely reliant on us for their love and care, they give so much.

I really hope you have the opportunity to be around them one day, because it will change you forever.

Thank you SO MUCH for this ask and please please please feel free to chat with me about them any and all the time!! 💗💗💗

Here's some photos because obviously...

Hooligan

Izzy

Hooligan and Izzy

Chardonnay

(Let it be known that I say "MUSTER THE ROHIRRIM" whenever I bring them in from the field because how can you not?)